My son, Jesse, is in New Orleans working. We talk several times a week but we communicate daily through text messaging. February 3rd he sent me this message:
Mamma I wanted to say thanks for teaching me things like compassion and the power of language amongst other life tools.
Motherhood continues to be an amazing adventure for me :)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The Sweatshirt I Slept In...
I've been lazy all week end I kept saying I'll do that later, later comes but the doing of things doesn't. I had big plans for Saturday, wash the car, do laundry, clean the litter box, grocery shop ( at the very least buy dog food- the dogs are beginning to look at me like I might be a tasty treat ). I accomplished less than I planned, alot less, actually I accomplished not a damn thing. Friday night it was cold when I went to bed in my sweatshirt over a t-shirt, I wore that same outfit all day Saturday. Not too hygienic but hey I didn't do anything all day so I slept in the same thing Saturday night. The cat sleeps with me, to be more accurate I sleep with her. She sleeps right on top of me after all it is only a queen size bed so I suppose on top of me is the only spot she can find. When I get up Sunday I know it's do or die day, I have to get something done, but I don't feel like it. I pick a pair of jeans up off the floor, shake them out ( that makes them cleaner ) pull them on, look at myself in the mirror, decide my hair wouldn't look too bad if I can get the cowlick to lay down, a little water does the trick. I tie my sneakers grab my bag and keys, get in the car and head to Wal Mart. I pull into a spot and catch a glimpse of myself in the rear view and thank God my mother can't see the way I left the house and am now going into the store, she would pretend she didn't know me, with good reason. I get a cart, put my bag in it and head to the dog food aisle, get the dog food & cat food I even break down and buy the cat some canned food so she will stop yelling at me when I open a can of tuna for myself that I end up sharing with her. I buy hair color, Loreal ( because I'm worth it ), medium golden brown, which by the way is a lie, it's very dark. I get the rest of what I came for and get on line, that's when I see that the sweatshirt I slept in is just a bit hairy. But since I no longer practice my southern hospitality I don't care. I drive home, bring the stuff in, put it away and before I get lazy again decide to drive to the beach then wash the car on the way back. I get to the beach and I am immediately greeted by Rocky the boxer and his 6 month old sister Lily the pit, they are both over joyed to see me. I do not know them, have never seen them before but they believe we are old friends. I am happy to see other dog owners that have no control over their dogs on the beach. I feel just a bit guilty for not bringing Lib but I won't tell her if you don't. I walk a little down the beach when Boss, the American Bulldog, races over to see me, Boss I do know I see him at the beach alot. He is without a doubt the largest American Bulldog I have ever seen, solid muscle, sometimes I think I can hear & feel him before I see him. I have watched him swim for over 30 minutes straight which to me is impressive for a dog. He also is overjoyed to see me, but he is much more mannerly than Rocky & Lily. I like to watch little kids play on the beach but not as much as I like to watch dogs. Even little kids know some sort of beach etiquette, but not dogs they play with abandon, they love everything and don't care how anybody feels about it. By this time it's gotten warm so I take off the sweatshirt I slept in as I walk back to the car. I throw the sweat shirt in the back seat and drive to the car wash. I pull into the bay and pump 8 quarters into the machine, I use the pre soak which to me is the same as the rinse but it's there so I use it, next I use the foaming brush but only in the windows ( it will be nice to be able to see out of the back window again ) then I use the pressure wash. While I am using the pressure wash I notice 2 bikers waiting outside the bay I am in. I now go onto the rinse cycle, with the 2 bikers sitting there, but hey it's my 8 quarters and I'm rinsing until the money runs out. So the money runs out, I put the gun thing ( I don't know what it's called ) away and 1 of the bikers comes into the bay, he has a chamois in his hand and he offers to help me dry off my car. Dar would be shocked because yes, normally my thought process would be- hmmm biker, this could be trouble and I would say yes. But I wasn't in the mood so I said - no thanks I'm just gonna drive really fast on the way home and let the wind and mother nature dry it off. He said " are you sure " I say "yeah ". I get in my car and drive home. I come into the house and decide to color my hair but first I should put a button up shirt on so I don't have to take the t- shirt off over my head with the dye on. It's then that I notice the t-shirt I slept in (under the sweat shirt I slept in that I took off on the beach ) has a message on the back: Save A Hog- Ride A Biker.
Yeah thank God my mother didn't see the way I left the house.
Yeah thank God my mother didn't see the way I left the house.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Must Be The New Face Cream...
My Mom & Dad came to visit me for Christmas. They pulled into my driveway and I went outside to greet them. My Mom gets out of the car and the first thing I notice is how tiny she is, I instantly feel protective and think I would kill anyone that tried to hurt her. It's not like this is the first time I have ever seen her but it still hits me when I do see her, she is a tiny person. That night I give them their presents, not much, actually very little, but that doesn't matter to any of us ( I'll speak for them here since they know the deal ). As a matter of fact I gave my Dad a calendar from 2007, yeah I know what year it is but I had forgotten it when it was the right year, so I gave it to him anyway. That's the kind of daughter I am, I bought it your getting it whether it's useful ( or even current ) or not.
My Mom starts to open one of her gifts as she is unwrapping I am explaining it already. I bought her anti wrinkle/aging face cream, nice daughter huh?! She talks about the effects of aging, she talks about the lines and wrinkles, so when I heard the ad for this cream I ordered it. I didn't think at that time what she might think when I gave it to her, so I just start explaining, it's not that I think you need it but you talk like you think you need it. We all had a good laugh. And actually I will be thankful if I look like her when I am her age, there again that didn't come out right, not that she's old, but I'll quit while I'm ahead or at the very least before I get farther behind.The next morning she uses the face cream and then we decide to go shopping.
We go into town, to the Mall, to Barnes & Noble to be precise. We're shopping in Barnes & Noble, well she's shopping my Dad & I are looking. She buys something, I can't remember what but she gets on line to buy whatever it is. She is smiling when she comes back to where we are and she says: " That man in line just told me I had great hair and a great haircut " ( which she does ). Instantly I am looking to where she had been in line, my Dad & I both say at the same time " What guy? " She said "the guy that was in line behind me" In my head I'm thinking what guy, where, the whole Ted Bundy serial killer thing flashes thru my brain. My Dad says " well you do have great hair " I nod my head in agreement but I'm thinking wait a minute here my whole life didn't these same two people warn me against talking to complete strangers and today it's ok for some random guy to engage my Mother in a conversation about her hair?! What is going on here and where did the " New Ted Bundy " disappear too? And why do I seem to be the only one of us concerned about the possibilities? Is there no Robot from Lost in Space waving his robot arms in my Dad's head? If so he did a great job at covering. My Mom then said " It must be the new face cream! " The three of us just cracked up in Barnes & Noble.
My Mom starts to open one of her gifts as she is unwrapping I am explaining it already. I bought her anti wrinkle/aging face cream, nice daughter huh?! She talks about the effects of aging, she talks about the lines and wrinkles, so when I heard the ad for this cream I ordered it. I didn't think at that time what she might think when I gave it to her, so I just start explaining, it's not that I think you need it but you talk like you think you need it. We all had a good laugh. And actually I will be thankful if I look like her when I am her age, there again that didn't come out right, not that she's old, but I'll quit while I'm ahead or at the very least before I get farther behind.The next morning she uses the face cream and then we decide to go shopping.
We go into town, to the Mall, to Barnes & Noble to be precise. We're shopping in Barnes & Noble, well she's shopping my Dad & I are looking. She buys something, I can't remember what but she gets on line to buy whatever it is. She is smiling when she comes back to where we are and she says: " That man in line just told me I had great hair and a great haircut " ( which she does ). Instantly I am looking to where she had been in line, my Dad & I both say at the same time " What guy? " She said "the guy that was in line behind me" In my head I'm thinking what guy, where, the whole Ted Bundy serial killer thing flashes thru my brain. My Dad says " well you do have great hair " I nod my head in agreement but I'm thinking wait a minute here my whole life didn't these same two people warn me against talking to complete strangers and today it's ok for some random guy to engage my Mother in a conversation about her hair?! What is going on here and where did the " New Ted Bundy " disappear too? And why do I seem to be the only one of us concerned about the possibilities? Is there no Robot from Lost in Space waving his robot arms in my Dad's head? If so he did a great job at covering. My Mom then said " It must be the new face cream! " The three of us just cracked up in Barnes & Noble.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Hey Cur...
Deloris is a very proper southern woman, always sweet, always polite, just plain proper. Because of her properness ( is that even a word? ) I was so surprised when she greeted me one day with-
" Hey Cur, how are you? " I sort of smiled and I said " Good and You? " but I didn't hear what else she said because I was thinking what did she just call me? I let it pass, thought I heard her wrong, when a few days later she used the term again. This time she said " Hey Cur can you come here and help me?' I went over to her and helped but was very puzzled, I couldn't be hearing her right, but why then did I hear the rest of what she said right? Again I let it pass, but I was sort of holding a grudge, was she really calling me a cur? a mongrel dog? The next time she said it I just stopped dead in my tracks and said what did you just call me? she said " What ?" I said yeah that's what I want to know- what did you just call me? She said " I don't know " I said did you just call me a mongrel dog? She said " No, I never said any such thing". I said then what, to you, is a cur? She started laughing, she said it's "girl " the way it's been said over years in the South that it came out like that and now that's the way we say it, She said when it's said like that " it's a term of endearment ". I said " Oh I thought you were calling me a mongrel dog " .She said " where in the world would you get that from? " I said " From to Kill A Mockingbird,
Atticus Finch shot and killed a rabid cur on the street, isn't that what everybody thinks of when they hear the word cur?! "
Well apparently not..... to my surprise some of them haven't heard of Atticus Finch or even To Kill A Mockingbird, and it's an amazing southern story!! What is going on down here? They've never heard of Atticus, Scout, Jem, Dill or even Boo Radley!!! When I said Scout someone actually said " isn't that the name of one of Demi Moore's daughter's?!! Yes it is but... come on now if I had said a line from Reservoir Dogs or Dog Day Afternoon I could understand ( still would surprise me but... ) but to not know To Kill a Mockingbird- in the south that is just shocking. Now I know why they looked at me blankly when I said my dog's name was Boo named for Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird and her AKC name is Celtic's Girl Misunderstood, because her breed is misunderstood just like Boo Radley- I guess I had that whole conversation with myself- because they had never heard of To Kill A Mockingbird!!
So I will close this rant with a quote from To Kill A Mockingbird, this is something that Atticus said to the children ( always makes me tear up ).
" I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know your licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what "
To put my feelings in " southern style" Yeah -I love me some Atticus Finch:):):)
" Hey Cur, how are you? " I sort of smiled and I said " Good and You? " but I didn't hear what else she said because I was thinking what did she just call me? I let it pass, thought I heard her wrong, when a few days later she used the term again. This time she said " Hey Cur can you come here and help me?' I went over to her and helped but was very puzzled, I couldn't be hearing her right, but why then did I hear the rest of what she said right? Again I let it pass, but I was sort of holding a grudge, was she really calling me a cur? a mongrel dog? The next time she said it I just stopped dead in my tracks and said what did you just call me? she said " What ?" I said yeah that's what I want to know- what did you just call me? She said " I don't know " I said did you just call me a mongrel dog? She said " No, I never said any such thing". I said then what, to you, is a cur? She started laughing, she said it's "girl " the way it's been said over years in the South that it came out like that and now that's the way we say it, She said when it's said like that " it's a term of endearment ". I said " Oh I thought you were calling me a mongrel dog " .She said " where in the world would you get that from? " I said " From to Kill A Mockingbird,
Atticus Finch shot and killed a rabid cur on the street, isn't that what everybody thinks of when they hear the word cur?! "
Well apparently not..... to my surprise some of them haven't heard of Atticus Finch or even To Kill A Mockingbird, and it's an amazing southern story!! What is going on down here? They've never heard of Atticus, Scout, Jem, Dill or even Boo Radley!!! When I said Scout someone actually said " isn't that the name of one of Demi Moore's daughter's?!! Yes it is but... come on now if I had said a line from Reservoir Dogs or Dog Day Afternoon I could understand ( still would surprise me but... ) but to not know To Kill a Mockingbird- in the south that is just shocking. Now I know why they looked at me blankly when I said my dog's name was Boo named for Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird and her AKC name is Celtic's Girl Misunderstood, because her breed is misunderstood just like Boo Radley- I guess I had that whole conversation with myself- because they had never heard of To Kill A Mockingbird!!
So I will close this rant with a quote from To Kill A Mockingbird, this is something that Atticus said to the children ( always makes me tear up ).
" I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know your licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what "
To put my feelings in " southern style" Yeah -I love me some Atticus Finch:):):)
Southern Hospitality At It's Finest
I have been told that I need to practice my southern hospitality, it seems that I appear aloof.
The trick I am told is to just smile at everyone, like I know them. In my head I'm thinking that's insane and a bit on the dangerous side. Here I am just willy nilly smiling at complete strangers and then one day I smile at, oh I don't know for arguments sake lets just say, a serial killer. The next thing you know he's cleaning out his "souvenir" freezer to make room for my body parts. Far fetched you might say but hey it could happen. But I decide to give it a try, serial killers be damned I'm going to show my new found southern hospitality, even if it kills me ( see still thinking about the whole body parts in the freezer thing but anyway ).
So, what happened next?! Well I was shopping in Wal Mart, in the soda aisle to be precise. I had just put a 24 pack cube of diet pepsi in my cart when I see this couple in front of me, the guy smiles at me so I smile back- just as his " woman " looks at me. She sees ME smile at him and she's not too happy. She proceeds to school me on the fact that it is HER man I just smiled at. At first I started to explain the HE smiled at me first I was just returning the " southern hospitality smile " but she wasn't listening. She was going on about how he was HER man. Finally I said, "You think I want YOUR man? I don't want YOUR man . The whole time I'm thinking I wish I hadn't worked out last night because my arms are sore and I may have to hit her with that cube of diet pepsi, and if need be hopefully I can lift it up over my head ( she was a big girl ). Then she got offended that I didn't want HER man. She said " what's wrong with MY man?" I just laughed because I was having this whole conversation in my head saying if the world was about to end and he was the last man on earth I wouldn't want YOUR man. If I was about to be stranded on a deserted island and I had the choice to bring YOUR man or a jar of peanut butter, the Jif was coming with me. Her man, who seemed to be enjoying the whole thing, told her to stop and I moved on, keeping one eye on her and one on that cube of soda. So I finish my shopping, check out and leave the store. While I am at the back of my blazer I see this pick up coming down my aisle, yep it's her and HER man, they have to stop because a car is backing up. She is yelling at me from inside the truck and pointing her finger at me, I laugh and because I just don't have the sense to just not have the last word, just once- I put my hand up to my ear like a phone and -I mouth ( so she can read my lips ) to HER man - CALL ME! Then I hop in the blazer and head on out of the parking lot.
I don't shop at that Wal Mart anymore and I no longer practice my southern hospitality- just in case, and I was right it can be dangerous.
The trick I am told is to just smile at everyone, like I know them. In my head I'm thinking that's insane and a bit on the dangerous side. Here I am just willy nilly smiling at complete strangers and then one day I smile at, oh I don't know for arguments sake lets just say, a serial killer. The next thing you know he's cleaning out his "souvenir" freezer to make room for my body parts. Far fetched you might say but hey it could happen. But I decide to give it a try, serial killers be damned I'm going to show my new found southern hospitality, even if it kills me ( see still thinking about the whole body parts in the freezer thing but anyway ).
So, what happened next?! Well I was shopping in Wal Mart, in the soda aisle to be precise. I had just put a 24 pack cube of diet pepsi in my cart when I see this couple in front of me, the guy smiles at me so I smile back- just as his " woman " looks at me. She sees ME smile at him and she's not too happy. She proceeds to school me on the fact that it is HER man I just smiled at. At first I started to explain the HE smiled at me first I was just returning the " southern hospitality smile " but she wasn't listening. She was going on about how he was HER man. Finally I said, "You think I want YOUR man? I don't want YOUR man . The whole time I'm thinking I wish I hadn't worked out last night because my arms are sore and I may have to hit her with that cube of diet pepsi, and if need be hopefully I can lift it up over my head ( she was a big girl ). Then she got offended that I didn't want HER man. She said " what's wrong with MY man?" I just laughed because I was having this whole conversation in my head saying if the world was about to end and he was the last man on earth I wouldn't want YOUR man. If I was about to be stranded on a deserted island and I had the choice to bring YOUR man or a jar of peanut butter, the Jif was coming with me. Her man, who seemed to be enjoying the whole thing, told her to stop and I moved on, keeping one eye on her and one on that cube of soda. So I finish my shopping, check out and leave the store. While I am at the back of my blazer I see this pick up coming down my aisle, yep it's her and HER man, they have to stop because a car is backing up. She is yelling at me from inside the truck and pointing her finger at me, I laugh and because I just don't have the sense to just not have the last word, just once- I put my hand up to my ear like a phone and -I mouth ( so she can read my lips ) to HER man - CALL ME! Then I hop in the blazer and head on out of the parking lot.
I don't shop at that Wal Mart anymore and I no longer practice my southern hospitality- just in case, and I was right it can be dangerous.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I Just Found Out...
There is this guy, a customer, who is a bit of a problem. He seems to have trouble paying what's due, not that he can't, he just has trouble actually handing the money over. He has been a problem for a long time, nobody has any luck with him so I get him. His thing is he keeps you on the phone for a very, very long time, with him doing all the talking. Everybody in the office knows his entire life story, medical history included, but nobody cuts him off, they are too polite. I get him because I am told I'm not worried about appearing impolite. I call one time, Monday of this week, he starts with the whole " his life saga ". I say Mr. So & So, I understand you have had some problems and I do sympathize with you but I bet I can one up you, and I just start talking, he couldn't get a word in, when I was done I said have a good day and I hung up. Wednesday he came into the office, as soon as he opened his mouth I knew it was him. I said can I help you? He said " No, I just found out what your problem is " I was intrigued so I said " My problem?!" He said " Yeah I just found out" I said " What problem would that be?" He said " I just found out that you're a YANKEE" I just cracked up, so I sarcastically said Oh you just found that out what gave me away my heavy southern drawl? He looked puzzled and said " No, Lucian told me".
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Happy Birthday Dad
Although it was yesterday, February 3, happy birthday to my Dad. My Dad is retired from the NYPD. After retirement he went back to school and got his Masters at ASU. He had gone to school before, he tried juggling, work, family life and law school while I was a kid but it didn't work out. It was alot to manage as he worked in the City and we lived in Orange County, the commute alone was alot. So he did go back to school and then he wrote books. He wrote: 14 Peck Slip, Bronx Angel, Little Boy Blue and The Con Man's Daughter ( my personal favorite ). He has a great sense of humor and he gets my jokes, always laughs even when other people just don't get it. He never seems surprised by my forwardness, and my language, which at times can be foul. He appears to like it when I speak my mind, I hope he really does because I'm not going to change. I seem to have lost the ability to hold my tongue, if that is a disability it is a freeing one.
When I first realized that my marriage was going to end, all I could think of was to call him. It wasn't that I expected him to rush in and fix things or to make things right, I didn't. There was a time that I wished he would exact some form of vengence, but that was early on and luckily has since passed. I really just wanted, needed to hear his voice. I drove to the abandoned 7-11 parking lot, it was late and I know I woke him, but he answered almost immediately. I told him through big sobs, which I am sure caused him heartache to hear, he said " babe you will be alright, there is no fault on your part" Those words have stayed with me since that night in the abandoned 7-11 parking lot. My mother, I suppose being a woman, said " if anyone thinks your father will ever let this go they are wrong ", those words also have stayed with me, and always make me smile. Just the thought that even one person would never let it go, even if it is no longer true, as it doesn't matter anymore. It was just what I needed and wanted to hear. Now that the dust from all of that settled my Mom & Dad tell me how proud they are of me and the way I handled it all. Even at this age that is great to hear, because they could have said " I told you so " Because they had, but they didn't. Then my Dad said something to me that I will never forget and when I am really old and wrinkled and losing my mind I will never forget this; he said:
" Now your life is your own, live & die by your own decisions. Live with a Rock Star, just be careful of disease " !! Now he has said many wonderful, father knows best things to me, that I will carry with me always but that line, that line is a keeper. He said that because he gets me and the me that he gets is okay by him, just the way I am.
So Mom thanks for being there, I love you!
So Happy Birthday Dad ( even if this is written a day late ), and thanks for getting me and being okay with who that me is! I love you!
When I first realized that my marriage was going to end, all I could think of was to call him. It wasn't that I expected him to rush in and fix things or to make things right, I didn't. There was a time that I wished he would exact some form of vengence, but that was early on and luckily has since passed. I really just wanted, needed to hear his voice. I drove to the abandoned 7-11 parking lot, it was late and I know I woke him, but he answered almost immediately. I told him through big sobs, which I am sure caused him heartache to hear, he said " babe you will be alright, there is no fault on your part" Those words have stayed with me since that night in the abandoned 7-11 parking lot. My mother, I suppose being a woman, said " if anyone thinks your father will ever let this go they are wrong ", those words also have stayed with me, and always make me smile. Just the thought that even one person would never let it go, even if it is no longer true, as it doesn't matter anymore. It was just what I needed and wanted to hear. Now that the dust from all of that settled my Mom & Dad tell me how proud they are of me and the way I handled it all. Even at this age that is great to hear, because they could have said " I told you so " Because they had, but they didn't. Then my Dad said something to me that I will never forget and when I am really old and wrinkled and losing my mind I will never forget this; he said:
" Now your life is your own, live & die by your own decisions. Live with a Rock Star, just be careful of disease " !! Now he has said many wonderful, father knows best things to me, that I will carry with me always but that line, that line is a keeper. He said that because he gets me and the me that he gets is okay by him, just the way I am.
So Mom thanks for being there, I love you!
So Happy Birthday Dad ( even if this is written a day late ), and thanks for getting me and being okay with who that me is! I love you!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
" What are you wearing? "
Sometimes ( well actually most of the time ) I wish my brain moved faster than my mouth.
Today the phone rings, I answer, some guy asks " what are you wearing ?" My brain is screaming " Danger, Danger Will Robinson- you don't know who this guy is " But my mouth says " Boxers and a wife beater my standard uniform for playing golf on the Wii " Silence on the other end, then he asks " Who is this? " I ask " Who is this?" He says " Oh I think I have the wrong number " I say " Well you asked ". Then he hung up.
Moral to the story: Listen to you brain and don't be so quick to answer the questions of a COMPLETE stranger who calls your phone:)
Today the phone rings, I answer, some guy asks " what are you wearing ?" My brain is screaming " Danger, Danger Will Robinson- you don't know who this guy is " But my mouth says " Boxers and a wife beater my standard uniform for playing golf on the Wii " Silence on the other end, then he asks " Who is this? " I ask " Who is this?" He says " Oh I think I have the wrong number " I say " Well you asked ". Then he hung up.
Moral to the story: Listen to you brain and don't be so quick to answer the questions of a COMPLETE stranger who calls your phone:)
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