Southern Hospitality At It's Finest

I have been told that I need to practice my southern hospitality, it seems that I appear aloof.
The trick I am told is to just smile at everyone, like I know them. In my head I'm thinking that's insane and a bit on the dangerous side. Here I am just willy nilly smiling at complete strangers and then one day I smile at, oh I don't know for arguments sake lets just say, a serial killer. The next thing you know he's cleaning out his "souvenir" freezer to make room for my body parts. Far fetched you might say but hey it could happen. But I decide to give it a try, serial killers be damned I'm going to show my new found southern hospitality, even if it kills me ( see still thinking about the whole body parts in the freezer thing but anyway ).
So, what happened next?! Well I was shopping in Wal Mart, in the soda aisle to be precise. I had just put a 24 pack cube of diet pepsi in my cart when I see this couple in front of me, the guy smiles at me so I smile back- just as his " woman " looks at me. She sees ME smile at him and she's not too happy. She proceeds to school me on the fact that it is HER man I just smiled at. At first I started to explain the HE smiled at me first I was just returning the " southern hospitality smile " but she wasn't listening. She was going on about how he was HER man. Finally I said, "You think I want YOUR man? I don't want YOUR man . The whole time I'm thinking I wish I hadn't worked out last night because my arms are sore and I may have to hit her with that cube of diet pepsi, and if need be hopefully I can lift it up over my head ( she was a big girl ). Then she got offended that I didn't want HER man. She said " what's wrong with MY man?" I just laughed because I was having this whole conversation in my head saying if the world was about to end and he was the last man on earth I wouldn't want YOUR man. If I was about to be stranded on a deserted island and I had the choice to bring YOUR man or a jar of peanut butter, the Jif was coming with me. Her man, who seemed to be enjoying the whole thing, told her to stop and I moved on, keeping one eye on her and one on that cube of soda. So I finish my shopping, check out and leave the store. While I am at the back of my blazer I see this pick up coming down my aisle, yep it's her and HER man, they have to stop because a car is backing up. She is yelling at me from inside the truck and pointing her finger at me, I laugh and because I just don't have the sense to just not have the last word, just once- I put my hand up to my ear like a phone and -I mouth ( so she can read my lips ) to HER man - CALL ME! Then I hop in the blazer and head on out of the parking lot.
I don't shop at that Wal Mart anymore and I no longer practice my southern hospitality- just in case, and I was right it can be dangerous.