The Insight of the one and only Lucian...

Lucian and I were sitting here talking today, about work, life, family, past, present, future, pain, happiness, sorrow, regret- just all things. He said " it's all just too much on you, just give it to God, ask Jesus to take it over. God is the one that will never turn away from you, he will never leave you, God is the past, present and future, let God carry your troubles and maybe you will be free" I said " you think? " He said " that's what I did and look where I am today, right where I should be "
Lucian never fails to make me feel better, I love that guy, sweater vest and all:):)

Giving it all to God and becoming free on the insight of Lucian then listening to some Motown because we like it:)

Bubble jacket dude vs. Chicken grease dude...You decide...

One hot August day a big, shirtless black dude comes into the branch wearing shorts and a bubble jacket. He rode up on a bicycle, it's hot, he's sweaty, and very polite. He is asked for identification and upon that request politely produces a baseball card, a white dude's baseball card. When he is told that he needs to show ID he again shows the baseball card, after doing this several times he is told that the dude on the baseball card isn't even him. He again shows the baseball card and says ID, finally he is told sorry we can no longer accept baseball cards as a form of ID. He very politely and quietly leaves. He leaves the bike behind and walks away. Because it is considered an " incident " the police are called, they find him at a nearby restaurant trying to use his " ID " to order food. The bike sat outside for a couple of weeks and then one day was just gone, never saw him or the bike again.
Today a dude walks in covered in chicken grease ( I mean covered-even in his hair ). He walks up to the front counter where I am sitting I start to speak to him but he walks away, he is touching everything. We have a donation jar with money in it on the counter that we are collecting for the March of Dimes, he's all over that jar, the whole time staring at me. The manager and I are the only people in the branch, she says " Sir, can I help you? " He leans in towards me and says " I'm a ma'am not a sir and I'm a virgin " I didn't say a word, really what do you say? Good job, thanks for the info? What would have been the correct response? He walks to the managers desk where he proceeds to say terrible things about his own mother ( who we do not know ) calls her all sorts of names ( which I will not repeat ) then says " God rest her soul she was a sainted woman " The manager asks him his name he says " my name is biblical, and holy and you better put the fucking hyphen in there because it should have a hyphen" he goes on to say so many strange things. His name was about 5 names long one of them being Paris as he said " Paris like the fucking capital of France ". I believe at this point that he may be dangerous so I attempt to pick up my phone, he didn't like this, he stared at me while talking to her. I managed to get Lucian on his cell phone via text from mine. Lucian calls the office phone, yep, the office phone because he doesn't understand the text. I answer but say very little because chicken grease dude is staring at me, and I don't want to anger him. He is already angry he slammed his fist on the managers desk told her she was doing it wrong that it wasn't true and on and on. She asked him if he owned a car he said " yes, a classic car " she said what kind? he said " a 1987 Ford escort". I have to admit it was hard to keep a straight face when that info was given. Lucian got the gist of what was happening and called the police. When I hung up the phone I saw a customer of ours getting out of his car, I didn't know what to do,when I stood up chicken grease dude again whipped his head around and just glared at me. Our customer ( a man ) walked in, that changed the tone of the situation, chicken grease dude got up and walked out. He stopped just outside the door and was standing there when I locked it, just staring at me, kinda eerie. The police show up and sort of act like it's funny, now I can see some of the humor in it but not then, he was a lunatic the only thing missing was the aluminum foil hat. The male cop says" okay we'll look around for him." I said kinda hard to miss, covered in chicken grease, dogs will probably be following him. He said " well if he comes back just tell him to leave " I said ya know it didn't feel quite that simple this mother fucker is gonna hurt somebody so maybe you ought to right this down. He says "we'll call you if we find him so if you don't hear from us we didn't find him" and then the cops leave, that's it. And no we never heard from them.
So...in my opinion chicken grease dude beats bubble jacket dude...hands down... but hey, you decide... I'm busy trying to get a gun permit.

Boo...without Liberty...

Is very, very happy. It's kind of sad just how happy she is, she must have been miserable before. She runs all over the yard like a puppy, she brings me the ball over and over again for me to throw it so she can race after it and bring it back to me over and over again. She is happy. When I came home ( alone ) the day I dropped Liberty off I swear Boo was smiling. She ran into the yard and picked up all the toys that Liberty had hoarded for herself and would not let Boo have. She has not once ( that I have noticed ) looked for her. I thought at first she just enjoyed being an only dog but when I went home to NY she loved playing with Ripley and Neena- she just didn't like Liberty. But then again neither did Ripley and Neena and for Ripley to dislike anything or anyone there must be something not quite right. Poor Lib she was the smelly kid in school that all the other kids stayed away from.
So... Boo without Liberty is one happy canine.

Gas...Prices... Driving vs. Flying...

I forgot to mention in the previous post the fuel cost to drive from NC to NY- $22.00- yep that's right $22.00. That little Hyundai is amazing :) Round trip with tolls approximately $85.00, I spent just about as much on tolls as I did on gas. People keep telling me that in the long run flying would be cheaper, somehow I just don't see the logic in that. First off if I flew I would have to TRY to board Boo- she wouldn't be happy neither would I and I highly doubt I could find a kennel that would take her. Then there is the Airport, long term parking, the cost of the ticket, the Airport, the take off & landing, the lay overs, the Airport, the take off ( again ) and landing, the Airport, having someone pick me up, gas for that person to & from the Airport, having someone bring me back to the Airport, then doing it all over again for the return trip, and did I mention the Airport?
When Jesse flew back to NY from here the last time took him 7 hours just to get to the Airport in NY, not to mention the trip from the Airport to Middletown. When Dar flew I think the flight took her about 4 hours ( she had a better flight after the puddle jump from J'Ville to Charlotte ) then she had the trip from the Airport to home. My way, yes, there is that drive 10 -11 hours but didn't cost nearly as much and there was no AIRPORT to deal with, no arrangements for a ride to make and I had my car the whole week to do what I wanted without putting anyone out.
Call me illogical call me crazy but I just believe driving is better.
Ask me after a bad trip with a ton of traffic and see if I change my view point, but for now driving is the way to go.

Easter...in New York...

I suppose I should start this by writing that Liberty doesn't live here anymore. I had been looking for a new home for her for sometime, she was just too bored, alone too much and neither of us was happy with the situation. She went to a rescue place and I imagine she is happy in her new place, I don't know because I chose to not have any new contact info, no joint custody for me. It was a difficult decision because I don't give things up easily but it is for the best for all of us. I have been trying to simplify my life situation, to have less stress ( in places that I do have some control ) and to make traveling a viable option. With that said- I went to New York Easter week. It wasn't my original plan, I had an original plan which is why Liberty left when she did but that plan changed. I guess the saying Life is what happens while your making plans is true after all. When the original plan didn't come off I went to New York to be with my kids, to be with family for Easter. Boo and I left here at 3 am the Friday before Easter, we went in the Hyundai accent. Yep drove 11 hours in a Hyundai accent ( 5 speed hatchback ) with a 90lb Rottie breathing on my neck. As uncomfortable as that may sound it was a great trip, better than any of the trips in that Trailblazer. One incident, at a gas station in MD the female attendant stuck her hand in the window ( right behind my head ) to pet the pretty Rottie, she won't be doing that again any time soon. Boo let her know in no uncertain tones that nobody puts their hand that close to me. Fortunately no innocent people were harmed and the attendant apologized and said it was her fault that she knew better than to put her hand inside a car window at a strange dog. Boo didn't bite her but man o man did she let her know that when it comes to me she has extreme personal space issues. It all happened so quick I pulled up to a pump with no line all the other pumps had long lines well that was because the pump with no long line was full service, I did not know this when I pulled up. The attendant walked over and just stuck her hand right in the window while I had my head turned getting out my card- prepared to get out and pump. She startled me and apparently startled Boo who then startled both of us. Boo calmed right down when she realized there was no actual threat and was a nice good girl while the attendant and I had a conversation- but the attendant did not attempt to pet the pretty Rottie again.
We got to NY at about 2pm, Luke got off at 6pm, Jana got in at 6:30pm and Jesse flew in from Louisiana that same night, we were all together for Easter week, it was great. Jana cooked Easter dinner and the food was wonderful. I spent the week with the kids, visited with everyone, saw Ethan's little league game, spent time with Annette, Nicole and Arlene and just had a great week. The following Friday Boo and I made the trip back only took 10 1/2 hours for the return trip and it was uneventful. Left NY at 3am got home at 1:30pm, Boo took a nap while I mowed the lawn ( a dog's life:) ). It was a really great trip. I loved being in NY and I love being back in NC. Back to work on Monday then Jesse and Neena should be here in about a week, he will be working in SC only about 5 hours from me. Family Christmas plans in NC are in the works, won't be Christmas Day because Jana is on reserve and she has to be within traveling distance to the NY airports for the month of December, so we are going to do family Christmas a bit later but Jesse will be here, all is good. My kids are happy, healthy terrific human beings:) I am happy, I am blessed, I am thankful.
Easter...in New York... turned out to be a really good plan.

Pay It Forward...

On a Tuesday might a couple of weeks ago my Trailblazer broke down on the way home from work. I only drove it to work because I had the oil changed that morning and didn't have time to take it home and get the little car. I worked late, didn't leave work until after 7pm and started the hour long drive home. Halfway into the drive the car bucked, then I lost the use of the power steering, I coasted it off the road and then for fear of being hit on the busier highway I coasted it off to a side road, took alot of muscle that steering wheel was locked. The side road I stopped on was Jesse Williams Road, in the middle of nowhere, very desolate, and just a bit scary at 7:40 pm, it had just started to get dark. After the car was stopped and I knew it was not going to go anywhere with out help- I instantly regretted my decision NOT to pee before I left work. I called my roadside assistance plan and for about 2 hours got nowhere, the woman on the phone had no idea what she was talking about, where I was, or how to get me help- so much for that plan. She wanted me to wait 8 1/2 hours for a tow truck to come down from the mountains- because they were in my plan- again so much for that plan. I called my friend Angela, she has lived in that area her entire life, without hesitation she came right over and parked her Honda ( with it's four way flashers on ) right behind me so I didn't get hit in the rear end. I was about 3/4 of the way still in the lane because this side road has no shoulder at all, just lane and ditch, deep ditch. Angela's sister works for a car dealership so she called a tow guy that they use, Victor, well Victor said he would be right there, Victor lied. Angela sat with me because she didn't think it was such a safe place to be sitting alone, and she didn't want me to ride with Victor. As we sat there a guy drives by, just a random stranger, he stops and asks if we are okay, we go into complete he may be a serial killer mode and both shout " someones coming ". Random guy drives away, only to drive back about an hour ( yes still no Victor ) later. He tries to show us his ID thru the half inch I have the window cracked, but we're not buying it. We again tell him " someones coming " this time we add " thanks anyway ". He said he wouldn't feel right about leaving 2 women out alone in the dark on that road, he said he drove home and told his wife and he has sisters he couldn't imagine them being in our place, so if we didn't mind he was just going to pull ahead of us and wait while we waited for Victor, and waited and waited for Victor. We called Victor several times and yep he would be right there, each time Victor lied. The last time we tried Victor at 11:30pm a woman answered his phone and said " Victor's busy ". At midnight Victor called and said " are you still walitng for a tow? " I said yes Victor we're waiting for you. He said ' I don't think I'm gonna make it better try somebody else ". Well there wasn't anybody else that we could get in touch with. By this time random guy ( yes he was still there ) had come up to the window numerous times, we had all his ID's saw pictures of his daughter and felt convinced that if in fact he was a serial killer he was very patient, so I thought if he really wanted my body parts for his freezer he had put in the time. His name is Corey and since I am here to write about that night he was not a serial killer, he was a nice guy. Angela's Honda had sat there for so long with the four ways on that her battery died, Corey gave her a jump start. He hooked a tow rope to the back of his brand new mini van and pulled my Trailblazer down to his house which was about a mile down that road, then he called his buddy, Jake, Jake is a mechanic and he has a flat bed and Jake said if I didn't mind leaving the car at Corey's over night he would bring it to my house the next day. At this point I felt like just lighting the damn thing on fire but Jake said that would be messy. So I left it at Corey's and Angela drove me home at about 1:30am. Corey sat there for about 3 hours, pulled my car ( with his brand new mini van ) to his house, then got out and pushed it ( by hand ) into his driveway so that Jake could get it in the morning, he jumped Angela's car, he offered us food, water a bathroom ( all of which we declined but still ) He called Jake and got the whole tow situation taken care of and he called me twice the next day to make sure we got home okay and to tell me Jake had picked up the car. I said Corey I can't thank you enough, saying thank you doesn't seem to be enough, I asked if I could pay him he shook his head and said it was nothing " no big deal " then as we were leaving he said " Pay it Forward ".
Jake did get my car, he did tow it to my house, parked it just like I would have in the RV parking spot out of the way. Sight unseen, he didn't know me at all, had no clue if I was going to pay him or not, I was at work when he dropped the car off. I called him when I got home, thanked him asked where I could bring the money, he said " nah you had a rough night and then worked all day I'll swing by your house and pick the money up" He came over only asked for $50 and we had a really nice conversation in the driveway, super nice guy.
Kicker to all of this is neither Corey or Jake are from down here, not one southern gentleman stopped. Corey is from Long Island originally came here with the military and stayed. Jake is from PA right on the NY border, same thing military then stayed.
When Jake was here I mentioned how great Corey was, he said " he's a great guy and he's got faith " I told Jake I wanted to do something for Corey he said " He doesn't want that just do what he always says- Pay It Forward".

GRITS...

Think Grits are a breakfast food? Think again! I find out that the word Grits is also used to denote: Girls Raised In The South-AKA GRITS! So when some Southern guy says " I love me some grits " he's not talking about the breakfast food! Well he probably loves him some breakfast grits as well but...
Learn something new everyday:)

The Pecking Order of Seagulls...

Mike and I were sitting on the beach today and we witnessed the pecking order of seagulls. A lone gull was standing about ten feet from us, he was a noisy gull, just yakking away. He was the only gull there for awhile then the rest of his clan showed up, there were about 7 gulls in all, he was clearly the most vocal. The whole clan was just kind of hanging around being gulls when apparently the noisy gull pissed off the HGIC ( head gull in charge ). The HGIC charged at the noisy gull and started to violently peck him and pushed him out of the circle of gulls. I don't speak seagull so I don't know if the noisy gull said something he shouldn't have, if the HGIC was having a bad day, or if the rest of them had just voted him off the island. One other gull almost got involved he started squawking at the HGIC but that didn't go well for him as the HGIC charged him, so he stopped. The noisy gull hung out on the outside of the group and slowly tried to reenter the group until the HGIC charged him again and started to peck him. The noisy gull tried this three times each with the same end result then he gave up and stayed on the outside. All of the gulls with the exception of the noisy gull finally flew away, the nosy gull was left behind. He stayed by us for most of the day, alone. Finally he flew off also when two dogs came on the beach and chased him, but he flew off alone.
I think there are four lessons learned from the gulls:
1) If you piss off the head gull in charge you might just get pecked to death.
2) Don't get involved unless your prepared to take a beating from the HGIC.
3) Follow the three strikes policy: Try 3 times to work your way back in and then cut your losses.
4) Once you are ousted from the clan, stay on the outside of the circle you might be alone, a little battered but you'll be alive.
Life lessons learned from seagulls, who would have thought?

At All Costs...

Today at work I had this customer, an older black woman, very sweet, very proper. She said that her Reverend said she should see me, I do know her Reverend- through my job only. He and I have had many encounters as he seems to feel that I should not do my job where he is concerned as he is a man of the Lord. I on the other hand do not believe that his being a man of the Lord makes him exempt from paying his debts. We had a very nice conversation while I helped her with her situation. When the work was done she thanked me for my help then went on to say that the Reverend had told her about my "situation". I asked " what situation would that be? " She said he told her I was divorced and she thought that was sad. I told her that I was not sad but quite the opposite I am happy. She looked like she was taken aback by that statement. She went on to say she and the Reverend felt that couples should stay married " at all costs ". I asked " just exactly what does that mean ? At all costs? " She said " no matter what if you enter into marriage under the Lord you should remain in the marriage under the Lord ". By this time I was feeling just a bit pissed off so I sarcastically said " Is that the Reverends idea or the Lord's ? She said both, the Reverend preaches it but the Lord said it " I again sarcastically said " Did the Lord tell you this personally? What in a phone call? fax? email? letter? just how did the Lord impart this information to you so that you could be here today to relay it to me? She said " It's in the Bible " I said so you believe that people should stay together no matter what? She said " Yes it's the right thing to do ". I said no matter what they may do to each other, no matter how much pain they might inflict upon each other, no matter if there is abuse, infidelity, dishonor or disloyalty. She held her ground and said " Yes , no one said it would be easy ". She told me I should come to hear the Reverend preach, and ask the Lord's forgiveness. This woman does not know me, she does not know my situation, she does not know the particulars, all she knows is that the Reverend told her I was divorced. I asked her if the Reverend had told her to talk to me about this, she said yes. So... I told her she could tell the Reverend that he would never find me in his audience listening to him preach, that I would not be donating money towards his " love offering " and that maybe he himself should be asking the Lord for forgiveness, after all I did know alot about his " situation ". And since I do know what I know- I will be staying away from his brand of worship " at all costs ".
She told me she would pray for me and she left.
So really what exactly is " at all costs"? Just what does the Lord think about this subject?
Does the Reverend always use sweet little old ladies as his muscle? What does the Lord think about that?!

Life Tools...

My son, Jesse, is in New Orleans working. We talk several times a week but we communicate daily through text messaging. February 3rd he sent me this message:
Mamma I wanted to say thanks for teaching me things like compassion and the power of language amongst other life tools.
Motherhood continues to be an amazing adventure for me :)

The Sweatshirt I Slept In...

I've been lazy all week end I kept saying I'll do that later, later comes but the doing of things doesn't. I had big plans for Saturday, wash the car, do laundry, clean the litter box, grocery shop ( at the very least buy dog food- the dogs are beginning to look at me like I might be a tasty treat ). I accomplished less than I planned, alot less, actually I accomplished not a damn thing. Friday night it was cold when I went to bed in my sweatshirt over a t-shirt, I wore that same outfit all day Saturday. Not too hygienic but hey I didn't do anything all day so I slept in the same thing Saturday night. The cat sleeps with me, to be more accurate I sleep with her. She sleeps right on top of me after all it is only a queen size bed so I suppose on top of me is the only spot she can find. When I get up Sunday I know it's do or die day, I have to get something done, but I don't feel like it. I pick a pair of jeans up off the floor, shake them out ( that makes them cleaner ) pull them on, look at myself in the mirror, decide my hair wouldn't look too bad if I can get the cowlick to lay down, a little water does the trick. I tie my sneakers grab my bag and keys, get in the car and head to Wal Mart. I pull into a spot and catch a glimpse of myself in the rear view and thank God my mother can't see the way I left the house and am now going into the store, she would pretend she didn't know me, with good reason. I get a cart, put my bag in it and head to the dog food aisle, get the dog food & cat food I even break down and buy the cat some canned food so she will stop yelling at me when I open a can of tuna for myself that I end up sharing with her. I buy hair color, Loreal ( because I'm worth it ), medium golden brown, which by the way is a lie, it's very dark. I get the rest of what I came for and get on line, that's when I see that the sweatshirt I slept in is just a bit hairy. But since I no longer practice my southern hospitality I don't care. I drive home, bring the stuff in, put it away and before I get lazy again decide to drive to the beach then wash the car on the way back. I get to the beach and I am immediately greeted by Rocky the boxer and his 6 month old sister Lily the pit, they are both over joyed to see me. I do not know them, have never seen them before but they believe we are old friends. I am happy to see other dog owners that have no control over their dogs on the beach. I feel just a bit guilty for not bringing Lib but I won't tell her if you don't. I walk a little down the beach when Boss, the American Bulldog, races over to see me, Boss I do know I see him at the beach alot. He is without a doubt the largest American Bulldog I have ever seen, solid muscle, sometimes I think I can hear & feel him before I see him. I have watched him swim for over 30 minutes straight which to me is impressive for a dog. He also is overjoyed to see me, but he is much more mannerly than Rocky & Lily. I like to watch little kids play on the beach but not as much as I like to watch dogs. Even little kids know some sort of beach etiquette, but not dogs they play with abandon, they love everything and don't care how anybody feels about it. By this time it's gotten warm so I take off the sweatshirt I slept in as I walk back to the car. I throw the sweat shirt in the back seat and drive to the car wash. I pull into the bay and pump 8 quarters into the machine, I use the pre soak which to me is the same as the rinse but it's there so I use it, next I use the foaming brush but only in the windows ( it will be nice to be able to see out of the back window again ) then I use the pressure wash. While I am using the pressure wash I notice 2 bikers waiting outside the bay I am in. I now go onto the rinse cycle, with the 2 bikers sitting there, but hey it's my 8 quarters and I'm rinsing until the money runs out. So the money runs out, I put the gun thing ( I don't know what it's called ) away and 1 of the bikers comes into the bay, he has a chamois in his hand and he offers to help me dry off my car. Dar would be shocked because yes, normally my thought process would be- hmmm biker, this could be trouble and I would say yes. But I wasn't in the mood so I said - no thanks I'm just gonna drive really fast on the way home and let the wind and mother nature dry it off. He said " are you sure " I say "yeah ". I get in my car and drive home. I come into the house and decide to color my hair but first I should put a button up shirt on so I don't have to take the t- shirt off over my head with the dye on. It's then that I notice the t-shirt I slept in (under the sweat shirt I slept in that I took off on the beach ) has a message on the back: Save A Hog- Ride A Biker.
Yeah thank God my mother didn't see the way I left the house.

Must Be The New Face Cream...

My Mom & Dad came to visit me for Christmas. They pulled into my driveway and I went outside to greet them. My Mom gets out of the car and the first thing I notice is how tiny she is, I instantly feel protective and think I would kill anyone that tried to hurt her. It's not like this is the first time I have ever seen her but it still hits me when I do see her, she is a tiny person. That night I give them their presents, not much, actually very little, but that doesn't matter to any of us ( I'll speak for them here since they know the deal ). As a matter of fact I gave my Dad a calendar from 2007, yeah I know what year it is but I had forgotten it when it was the right year, so I gave it to him anyway. That's the kind of daughter I am, I bought it your getting it whether it's useful ( or even current ) or not.
My Mom starts to open one of her gifts as she is unwrapping I am explaining it already. I bought her anti wrinkle/aging face cream, nice daughter huh?! She talks about the effects of aging, she talks about the lines and wrinkles, so when I heard the ad for this cream I ordered it. I didn't think at that time what she might think when I gave it to her, so I just start explaining, it's not that I think you need it but you talk like you think you need it. We all had a good laugh. And actually I will be thankful if I look like her when I am her age, there again that didn't come out right, not that she's old, but I'll quit while I'm ahead or at the very least before I get farther behind.The next morning she uses the face cream and then we decide to go shopping.
We go into town, to the Mall, to Barnes & Noble to be precise. We're shopping in Barnes & Noble, well she's shopping my Dad & I are looking. She buys something, I can't remember what but she gets on line to buy whatever it is. She is smiling when she comes back to where we are and she says: " That man in line just told me I had great hair and a great haircut " ( which she does ). Instantly I am looking to where she had been in line, my Dad & I both say at the same time " What guy? " She said "the guy that was in line behind me" In my head I'm thinking what guy, where, the whole Ted Bundy serial killer thing flashes thru my brain. My Dad says " well you do have great hair " I nod my head in agreement but I'm thinking wait a minute here my whole life didn't these same two people warn me against talking to complete strangers and today it's ok for some random guy to engage my Mother in a conversation about her hair?! What is going on here and where did the " New Ted Bundy " disappear too? And why do I seem to be the only one of us concerned about the possibilities? Is there no Robot from Lost in Space waving his robot arms in my Dad's head? If so he did a great job at covering. My Mom then said " It must be the new face cream! " The three of us just cracked up in Barnes & Noble.

Hey Cur...

Deloris is a very proper southern woman, always sweet, always polite, just plain proper. Because of her properness ( is that even a word? ) I was so surprised when she greeted me one day with-
" Hey Cur, how are you? " I sort of smiled and I said " Good and You? " but I didn't hear what else she said because I was thinking what did she just call me? I let it pass, thought I heard her wrong, when a few days later she used the term again. This time she said " Hey Cur can you come here and help me?' I went over to her and helped but was very puzzled, I couldn't be hearing her right, but why then did I hear the rest of what she said right? Again I let it pass, but I was sort of holding a grudge, was she really calling me a cur? a mongrel dog? The next time she said it I just stopped dead in my tracks and said what did you just call me? she said " What ?" I said yeah that's what I want to know- what did you just call me? She said " I don't know " I said did you just call me a mongrel dog? She said " No, I never said any such thing". I said then what, to you, is a cur? She started laughing, she said it's "girl " the way it's been said over years in the South that it came out like that and now that's the way we say it, She said when it's said like that " it's a term of endearment ". I said " Oh I thought you were calling me a mongrel dog " .She said " where in the world would you get that from? " I said " From to Kill A Mockingbird,
Atticus Finch shot and killed a rabid cur on the street, isn't that what everybody thinks of when they hear the word cur?! "
Well apparently not..... to my surprise some of them haven't heard of Atticus Finch or even To Kill A Mockingbird, and it's an amazing southern story!! What is going on down here? They've never heard of Atticus, Scout, Jem, Dill or even Boo Radley!!! When I said Scout someone actually said " isn't that the name of one of Demi Moore's daughter's?!! Yes it is but... come on now if I had said a line from Reservoir Dogs or Dog Day Afternoon I could understand ( still would surprise me but... ) but to not know To Kill a Mockingbird- in the south that is just shocking. Now I know why they looked at me blankly when I said my dog's name was Boo named for Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird and her AKC name is Celtic's Girl Misunderstood, because her breed is misunderstood just like Boo Radley- I guess I had that whole conversation with myself- because they had never heard of To Kill A Mockingbird!!
So I will close this rant with a quote from To Kill A Mockingbird, this is something that Atticus said to the children ( always makes me tear up ).

" I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know your licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what "


To put my feelings in " southern style" Yeah -I love me some Atticus Finch:):):)

Southern Hospitality At It's Finest

I have been told that I need to practice my southern hospitality, it seems that I appear aloof.
The trick I am told is to just smile at everyone, like I know them. In my head I'm thinking that's insane and a bit on the dangerous side. Here I am just willy nilly smiling at complete strangers and then one day I smile at, oh I don't know for arguments sake lets just say, a serial killer. The next thing you know he's cleaning out his "souvenir" freezer to make room for my body parts. Far fetched you might say but hey it could happen. But I decide to give it a try, serial killers be damned I'm going to show my new found southern hospitality, even if it kills me ( see still thinking about the whole body parts in the freezer thing but anyway ).
So, what happened next?! Well I was shopping in Wal Mart, in the soda aisle to be precise. I had just put a 24 pack cube of diet pepsi in my cart when I see this couple in front of me, the guy smiles at me so I smile back- just as his " woman " looks at me. She sees ME smile at him and she's not too happy. She proceeds to school me on the fact that it is HER man I just smiled at. At first I started to explain the HE smiled at me first I was just returning the " southern hospitality smile " but she wasn't listening. She was going on about how he was HER man. Finally I said, "You think I want YOUR man? I don't want YOUR man . The whole time I'm thinking I wish I hadn't worked out last night because my arms are sore and I may have to hit her with that cube of diet pepsi, and if need be hopefully I can lift it up over my head ( she was a big girl ). Then she got offended that I didn't want HER man. She said " what's wrong with MY man?" I just laughed because I was having this whole conversation in my head saying if the world was about to end and he was the last man on earth I wouldn't want YOUR man. If I was about to be stranded on a deserted island and I had the choice to bring YOUR man or a jar of peanut butter, the Jif was coming with me. Her man, who seemed to be enjoying the whole thing, told her to stop and I moved on, keeping one eye on her and one on that cube of soda. So I finish my shopping, check out and leave the store. While I am at the back of my blazer I see this pick up coming down my aisle, yep it's her and HER man, they have to stop because a car is backing up. She is yelling at me from inside the truck and pointing her finger at me, I laugh and because I just don't have the sense to just not have the last word, just once- I put my hand up to my ear like a phone and -I mouth ( so she can read my lips ) to HER man - CALL ME! Then I hop in the blazer and head on out of the parking lot.
I don't shop at that Wal Mart anymore and I no longer practice my southern hospitality- just in case, and I was right it can be dangerous.

I Just Found Out...

There is this guy, a customer, who is a bit of a problem. He seems to have trouble paying what's due, not that he can't, he just has trouble actually handing the money over. He has been a problem for a long time, nobody has any luck with him so I get him. His thing is he keeps you on the phone for a very, very long time, with him doing all the talking. Everybody in the office knows his entire life story, medical history included, but nobody cuts him off, they are too polite. I get him because I am told I'm not worried about appearing impolite. I call one time, Monday of this week, he starts with the whole " his life saga ". I say Mr. So & So, I understand you have had some problems and I do sympathize with you but I bet I can one up you, and I just start talking, he couldn't get a word in, when I was done I said have a good day and I hung up. Wednesday he came into the office, as soon as he opened his mouth I knew it was him. I said can I help you? He said " No, I just found out what your problem is " I was intrigued so I said " My problem?!" He said " Yeah I just found out" I said " What problem would that be?" He said " I just found out that you're a YANKEE" I just cracked up, so I sarcastically said Oh you just found that out what gave me away my heavy southern drawl? He looked puzzled and said " No, Lucian told me".

Happy Birthday Dad

Although it was yesterday, February 3, happy birthday to my Dad. My Dad is retired from the NYPD. After retirement he went back to school and got his Masters at ASU. He had gone to school before, he tried juggling, work, family life and law school while I was a kid but it didn't work out. It was alot to manage as he worked in the City and we lived in Orange County, the commute alone was alot. So he did go back to school and then he wrote books. He wrote: 14 Peck Slip, Bronx Angel, Little Boy Blue and The Con Man's Daughter ( my personal favorite ). He has a great sense of humor and he gets my jokes, always laughs even when other people just don't get it. He never seems surprised by my forwardness, and my language, which at times can be foul. He appears to like it when I speak my mind, I hope he really does because I'm not going to change. I seem to have lost the ability to hold my tongue, if that is a disability it is a freeing one.
When I first realized that my marriage was going to end, all I could think of was to call him. It wasn't that I expected him to rush in and fix things or to make things right, I didn't. There was a time that I wished he would exact some form of vengence, but that was early on and luckily has since passed. I really just wanted, needed to hear his voice. I drove to the abandoned 7-11 parking lot, it was late and I know I woke him, but he answered almost immediately. I told him through big sobs, which I am sure caused him heartache to hear, he said " babe you will be alright, there is no fault on your part" Those words have stayed with me since that night in the abandoned 7-11 parking lot. My mother, I suppose being a woman, said " if anyone thinks your father will ever let this go they are wrong ", those words also have stayed with me, and always make me smile. Just the thought that even one person would never let it go, even if it is no longer true, as it doesn't matter anymore. It was just what I needed and wanted to hear. Now that the dust from all of that settled my Mom & Dad tell me how proud they are of me and the way I handled it all. Even at this age that is great to hear, because they could have said " I told you so " Because they had, but they didn't. Then my Dad said something to me that I will never forget and when I am really old and wrinkled and losing my mind I will never forget this; he said:
" Now your life is your own, live & die by your own decisions. Live with a Rock Star, just be careful of disease " !! Now he has said many wonderful, father knows best things to me, that I will carry with me always but that line, that line is a keeper. He said that because he gets me and the me that he gets is okay by him, just the way I am.
So Mom thanks for being there, I love you!
So Happy Birthday Dad ( even if this is written a day late ), and thanks for getting me and being okay with who that me is! I love you!

" What are you wearing? "

Sometimes ( well actually most of the time ) I wish my brain moved faster than my mouth.
Today the phone rings, I answer, some guy asks " what are you wearing ?" My brain is screaming " Danger, Danger Will Robinson- you don't know who this guy is " But my mouth says " Boxers and a wife beater my standard uniform for playing golf on the Wii " Silence on the other end, then he asks " Who is this? " I ask " Who is this?" He says " Oh I think I have the wrong number " I say " Well you asked ". Then he hung up.
Moral to the story: Listen to you brain and don't be so quick to answer the questions of a COMPLETE stranger who calls your phone:)

I Need A Hero, and I Don't Mean A Sandwich!

When I was a little girl and even a young woman I dreamed of a hero, someone that would sweep me off my feet, carry me up the stairwell. As I got older I knew, in my brain, that this was a dream that could not come true, but my heart still dreamed it would come true. What I never dreamed was that I would, after being a wife, mother, friend and lover for over 25 years, be almost 50 years old and have the fears that I now have. I never dreamed that everything would rest on my shoulders, I never imagined my life as a house of cards resting on only one very shaky card that would all crash to the floor with even the slightest of wind. But here I am, almost 50, and in a few months, if things continue on the path they are on, I will be out of a job and without health insurance. I will more than likely lose this house, this is the house that I dreamed of when my life changed so radically and suddenly and I had to dream a new dream. The wind is blowing and the foundation to the house of cards is violently shaking. Funny how I am no longer able to dream, unlike Taylor Swift in her song ( White Horse ) I do not see anyone on a white horse. If there is a hero out there you should know this:
I was a dreamer until someone let me down, but this bruised and battered heart still tries to dream of a hero. I do not need you to take care of me, I do not need you to make up for the damage you did not cause. What I need is to be able to dream again, to be able to feel that hope in humanity and to be able to trust. What I need is for you to show up because that, to me, is what love does. It shows up even when things are not good, even when we don't look or feel our best, even when it's hard, just show up. The sooner the better because the house of cards is about to come down. Right now the only direction I can look in is UP.

How do you spell that?

Our computer system at work is being updated, what a nightmare. Every different program you log onto has a different password, it is a bit confusing to keep track of it all. More so for me as I have to keep track of my own and Lucian's. So he calls me for help he can't get into where he needs to be he has actually gotten himself locked out by trying soooo many different passwords so we have to do a password reset, this was not an easy task to do over the phone. I get him started by saying the technical terms of how we log on ( big waste of time he keeps saying uh-huh uh-huh, but really not so much uh-huh as far as him getting it ) each employee is assigned and ID number the first two characters of this number are that individual employee's initial, so my first two are PF, they are just mine BECAUSE they are MY initials. I was getting no where with him as far as him understanding what he needed to do so I used my own number as an example, this only made matters worse, confused him more. Finally he says maybe this is where we're supposed to put our LY # in, LY being HIS initials, I said that's what I have been trying to explain to you all along, he says no you came up with some PF thing when WE"RE supposed to put our LY # in. I said Lucian only you have an LY # I have a PF # he said why did you pick that when everybody else has an LY #, I said Lucian only you have an LY # because that's your initials, he starts laughing and says " damn all this time I thought that was just a coincidence". So I get him that far then in order to do the complete set up he has to type his full name, by this point he's done he can't process anything else, I know this for sure because he asks me " how do you spell that? " Without missing a beat I spell L U C I A N and I say-- and no it's not just a coincidence. We're both cracking up as we hang up.
You have to love this guy, everyday is an adventure :):):):)

He works in Walmart do you know him?

So today starts like most Monday's with me driving to work wishing I would hit it rich so I could just sleep a bit longer, but we all know how that turns out with me showing up for work. As usual the day just sucks until Lucian calls for me, he doesn't even know how much him being him makes my whole day turn around. You can't help but laugh and shake all the crap right off when you talk to Lucian. So he sounds upset, I can tell this because he's talking even louder than usual, you see Lucian is a bit hard of hearing so he normally talks loud (like I'm the one the needs the hearing aid ), but today he's really loud. He is trying to contact a customer that he hasn't had any contact with in a few months, and the guy owes money. He has done a bit of investigating work, note I didn't say private investigating work because Lucian just couldn't do that, first of all there is the loud talking thing and then he's the size of a mountain, would be kinda hard not to be noticed. So he's asked around through his usual suspects trying to get a line on this guy that " owes me money ", and has found out two things: 1) the guy moved to New York & 2) the guy works in a Walmart in New York. And that's where I come into play he says " I thought since you were from New York and this guy moved there and he works in Walmart I would ask you do you know this guy?" I said Lucian there is ALOT of New York and ALOT of Walmarts in New York and I have lived in North Carolina for over a year I doubt I know this guy. To which he says " See what you can find out and let me know this guy owes me money ". I just say sure I'll ask around tonight and get back to you tomorrow, and he says : " thanks baby girl drive safe and keep away from them military men "
Now I ask you how could I stay in a crappy mood after that?
So does anyone know this guy that works in Walmart in New York?

What?!

I saw an ad today for an accident lawyer, all I could say was what?!
The ad was about 4 wheeler accidents and it said " if YOU or a loved one have been seriously injured or even died as a result of an accident " on one of these 4 wheeler's then call blah blah blah! Who proofs these things? If YOU died as a result-- I guess that's why they have that 800 number so you can call from wherever you are.