What is it that makes people family? I know we are all part of the larger family of God, but in the here and now what makes a person family? Is it a birth right? Are you family depending on who you are with? Can you be married in and then divorced out of a family? Are you family for as long as it's good then once the bad starts your membership card is revoked? Is it the number of years you've been in a relationship? Is it in the hearts of people no matter what the affiliation? What makes people family?
My friend Ginny is an amazing woman, so warm and loving, once you are her friend she never lets you go- you become family. Ginny's son was in a relationship with a woman for 18 years, they never married, but had a loving committed relationship. This woman is very dear to Ginny so when her son and this woman broke up and went their separate ways, for what ever the reason, Ginny didn't take sides she loved them both. She always includes this woman in all family events, regardless of how her son may or may not feel, regardless if either one of them have new people in their lives. This couple have been apart for several years now but to Ginny she is still family. The woman moved to North Carolina last year about a month after I did. She thought she needed a change and she had a good job offer, so like me she came here alone. Ginny has remained in close contact with her speaking almost daily. I don't imagine that Ginny's son likes this too much and I said this to Ginny, she said " too bad he brought her into our lives 18 years ago and we love her, she is family & just because he broke up with her doesn't mean we have to, he accepts our choice ". This comment almost made me cry as that has not been my experience in my life, but it seems so simple, once family always family and who ever doesn't like it should just accept that choice. Now things are rough for this woman, she was recently laid off from that great job and has not been able to find another one. She may be evicted from her apartment and Ginny is helping her financially. I told Ginny that I think that is so amazing for her to be helping like that knowing that Ginny and her husband are struggling themselves. She said " she's family that's what families do, you help one another even if that means you have to sacrifice ". Ginny called me last night to say that this woman still has not found a job and she is very sad with the holidays approaching. Ginny wanted to send money so that this woman and I could go out to eat for Thanksgiving. I said you will do no such thing I will cook a real Thanksgiving dinner and she will come here with me and we will be thankful together for all that we have. One thing that we both have to be thankful for is having Ginny in our lives and being a part of Ginny's family.
So what makes you family? I think its love and not being afraid to do the right thing regardless of what anyone else might think, and sometimes that takes sacrifice.
Ginny could teach alot of people what it means to be family, I am thankful to be a part of hers.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Duct Tape and an Expunged Juvenile Record
The names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent, although none of the participants were innocent, but still...
Once upon a time there were four boys, Boy 1, and Boy 2 are brothers, Boy 3 and Boy 4 are friends, the four boys have known each other almost their entire lives. They are life long friends the kind of friendship that outlasts and survives all things, the kind of friendship that does the heart good.
One night they decide to go out and do something " memorable ". They decide to duct tape the doors to a random car. Not to do any damage but to make it impossible for the car's owner to get in. They pick a place where they believe they have an easy get away route, through what they think is woods. In reality it is a small group of trees, but I didn't say they had great criminal minds. They park a get away car on the other side of the " woods ". They pick a random car, duct tape the doors shut, not just a piece of tape over the door, no not these master criminals, they tape over and under to make it really " funny ", and wait in the "woods" for the owner to come out. The owner, a girl, comes out with some friends, they try to get in the car and realize what has happened and they hear the " master criminals " laughing in the " woods ". A guy that was with the girl runs into the " woods " after the " master criminals", so the four boys start running to the get away car. Boy 1 says that he can't make it, it's too far, he starts fading back, his brother Boy 2, goes back for him. The guy chasing them keeps coming, so Boy 2 charges at him screaming so Boy 1 can get away. The guy backs off and the four Boys make it to the get away car when they realize that Boy 3, the get away car driver has lost the car keys somewhere in the " woods ". And they hear police sirens. They decide to run and hide behind a house, all four boys are hiding behind this house while the police are going door to door. The four boys can't believe how many police cars showed up, more than they thought the town they lived in even had. It was later that they would learn the girl whose car doors they had duct taped was the daughter of the former police chief. While hiding behind a house they decide to get rid of any incriminating evidence, that lucky home owner would find 3 almost brand new rolls of duct tape in his backyard. The police leave the street that they are hiding on so they come out " quietly " to try to find an escape route, they run through the yard and Boy 1 crashes through a row of tomato plants with tomato stands and Boy 4 crashes through a fence and all four boys " quietly " run through piles of leaves. They decide to split up since they believe the police are looking for four boys Boy 3 and Boy 4 decide to walk straight out toward the main street and walk right past the police. Boy 1 and Boy 2 think that's crazy, they are going to go through the back yards to get to the other side of town. Boy 3 and Boy 4 walk right past the police, no questions asked. Boy 1 and Boy 2 start making their way through the back yards, they came to a yard that is fenced and Boy 2 goes to help Boy 1 over the fence and Boy 1 says " no that's one scary looking back yard ". Boy 2 tries to persuade him to go anyway, Boy 1 refuses. Boy 1 says that is a scary back yard, Boy 2 says not as scary as getting arrested but still Boy 1 refuses. So Boy 1 and Boy 2 decide they will do the same thing Boy 3 and Boy 4 did except they will turn right instead of left, Boy 3 and Boy 4 turned left. As Boy 1 and Boy 2 are walking down the street a police car cruises up to them, the officer asks them where they are going, they say 7 -11 to get a slurpy. The officer asks them where they live, they tell him, he says that's a long walk for a slurpy, Boy 1 says well we like slurpy's. While that officer is talking to them another officer comes up behind them and pat's down Boy 2. Remember earlier when I said that lucky homeowner was going to find 3 rolls of duct tape, that's because Boy 2 kept his roll of duct tape in his pocket because he didn't want to waste a perfectly good roll of duct tape, ( his father would be so proud ). So upon finding this evidence the police promptly arrested Boy 2, while Boy 1 was begging them to take him instead of his brother. The police hand cuffed Boy 2 and put him in the back of a police car and drove off. Boy 1 was panicked he started running home to get his car to go get his brother before his father found out. As Boy 1 was running home he came upon Boy 3 and Boy 4 who were walking straight towards where there was still police cars so Boy 1 said turn around Boy 2 just got arrested. Boy 1 ran all the way home, pushed his car out of the driveway so that his father didn't hear it start and drove to the police station. While Boy 1 was doing that Boy 2 was riding in the back of a police car when it stopped at a red light in a not so good part of town. Boy 2 looked out the window and standing " free " on the street was a person known to be of a criminal nature looking in the police car at Boy 2. Boy 2 and the known criminal just looked at each other and Boy 2 thought whats wrong with this picture I'm in here and your out there. The known criminal smiled at Boy 2 as if he was thinking the very same thing. At the police station the officer sat Boy 2 down on a bench and cuffed him to it. When the officer walked away Boy 2 raised his arm and realized that the officer had not cuffed him to the bench at all and he was free. He said he thought of running but asked the officer if he was going to call his father, the officer said no your brother can come get you, so once Boy 2 realized that his father would not be called he felt clam and showed the officer that he had not actually cuffed him to anything. Boy 1 got to the station and the officer gave Boy 2 an appearance ticket for criminal mischief and set him loose. All four boys met to decide what to do, they decided that they would handle it on there own, since they'd done such a good job so far, what's the worse that could happen? They returned to the scene of the crime to locate Boy 3's get away car keys and went home. The next morning the mother of Boy 1 and Boy 2 sensed that something was wrong she actually asked " what happened last night, did somebody get arrested? " Boy 1 would later say that his mother must have some sort of power, she may even be a witch how else could she have guessed something had happened? Well it all came out while Boy 2 was driving his fathers truck and drove right through a red light and his father said pull over your mother was right what happened and Boy 2 spilled his guts. Boy 2 and his father went home and told the mother, she laughed and said really all of that over some duct tape? Boy 2's court appearance date came and he and his father went, his father told Boy 1 to stay home. The Judge heard the complaint stated by the very serious police officer and the Judge laughed and said " you have to be kidding me all of this over some duct tape ". The Judge then told Boy 2 that his record would be expunged if he stayed out of trouble for 6 months, which he did.
Boy 1, Boy 2, Boy 3 and Boy 4 have told this story and laughed about it so many times but it was the beginning and the end of their life of crime.
Moral of this story: Crime doesn't pay... or...
Get rid of the evidence even if it's a perfectly good roll of duct tape.
Once upon a time there were four boys, Boy 1, and Boy 2 are brothers, Boy 3 and Boy 4 are friends, the four boys have known each other almost their entire lives. They are life long friends the kind of friendship that outlasts and survives all things, the kind of friendship that does the heart good.
One night they decide to go out and do something " memorable ". They decide to duct tape the doors to a random car. Not to do any damage but to make it impossible for the car's owner to get in. They pick a place where they believe they have an easy get away route, through what they think is woods. In reality it is a small group of trees, but I didn't say they had great criminal minds. They park a get away car on the other side of the " woods ". They pick a random car, duct tape the doors shut, not just a piece of tape over the door, no not these master criminals, they tape over and under to make it really " funny ", and wait in the "woods" for the owner to come out. The owner, a girl, comes out with some friends, they try to get in the car and realize what has happened and they hear the " master criminals " laughing in the " woods ". A guy that was with the girl runs into the " woods " after the " master criminals", so the four boys start running to the get away car. Boy 1 says that he can't make it, it's too far, he starts fading back, his brother Boy 2, goes back for him. The guy chasing them keeps coming, so Boy 2 charges at him screaming so Boy 1 can get away. The guy backs off and the four Boys make it to the get away car when they realize that Boy 3, the get away car driver has lost the car keys somewhere in the " woods ". And they hear police sirens. They decide to run and hide behind a house, all four boys are hiding behind this house while the police are going door to door. The four boys can't believe how many police cars showed up, more than they thought the town they lived in even had. It was later that they would learn the girl whose car doors they had duct taped was the daughter of the former police chief. While hiding behind a house they decide to get rid of any incriminating evidence, that lucky home owner would find 3 almost brand new rolls of duct tape in his backyard. The police leave the street that they are hiding on so they come out " quietly " to try to find an escape route, they run through the yard and Boy 1 crashes through a row of tomato plants with tomato stands and Boy 4 crashes through a fence and all four boys " quietly " run through piles of leaves. They decide to split up since they believe the police are looking for four boys Boy 3 and Boy 4 decide to walk straight out toward the main street and walk right past the police. Boy 1 and Boy 2 think that's crazy, they are going to go through the back yards to get to the other side of town. Boy 3 and Boy 4 walk right past the police, no questions asked. Boy 1 and Boy 2 start making their way through the back yards, they came to a yard that is fenced and Boy 2 goes to help Boy 1 over the fence and Boy 1 says " no that's one scary looking back yard ". Boy 2 tries to persuade him to go anyway, Boy 1 refuses. Boy 1 says that is a scary back yard, Boy 2 says not as scary as getting arrested but still Boy 1 refuses. So Boy 1 and Boy 2 decide they will do the same thing Boy 3 and Boy 4 did except they will turn right instead of left, Boy 3 and Boy 4 turned left. As Boy 1 and Boy 2 are walking down the street a police car cruises up to them, the officer asks them where they are going, they say 7 -11 to get a slurpy. The officer asks them where they live, they tell him, he says that's a long walk for a slurpy, Boy 1 says well we like slurpy's. While that officer is talking to them another officer comes up behind them and pat's down Boy 2. Remember earlier when I said that lucky homeowner was going to find 3 rolls of duct tape, that's because Boy 2 kept his roll of duct tape in his pocket because he didn't want to waste a perfectly good roll of duct tape, ( his father would be so proud ). So upon finding this evidence the police promptly arrested Boy 2, while Boy 1 was begging them to take him instead of his brother. The police hand cuffed Boy 2 and put him in the back of a police car and drove off. Boy 1 was panicked he started running home to get his car to go get his brother before his father found out. As Boy 1 was running home he came upon Boy 3 and Boy 4 who were walking straight towards where there was still police cars so Boy 1 said turn around Boy 2 just got arrested. Boy 1 ran all the way home, pushed his car out of the driveway so that his father didn't hear it start and drove to the police station. While Boy 1 was doing that Boy 2 was riding in the back of a police car when it stopped at a red light in a not so good part of town. Boy 2 looked out the window and standing " free " on the street was a person known to be of a criminal nature looking in the police car at Boy 2. Boy 2 and the known criminal just looked at each other and Boy 2 thought whats wrong with this picture I'm in here and your out there. The known criminal smiled at Boy 2 as if he was thinking the very same thing. At the police station the officer sat Boy 2 down on a bench and cuffed him to it. When the officer walked away Boy 2 raised his arm and realized that the officer had not cuffed him to the bench at all and he was free. He said he thought of running but asked the officer if he was going to call his father, the officer said no your brother can come get you, so once Boy 2 realized that his father would not be called he felt clam and showed the officer that he had not actually cuffed him to anything. Boy 1 got to the station and the officer gave Boy 2 an appearance ticket for criminal mischief and set him loose. All four boys met to decide what to do, they decided that they would handle it on there own, since they'd done such a good job so far, what's the worse that could happen? They returned to the scene of the crime to locate Boy 3's get away car keys and went home. The next morning the mother of Boy 1 and Boy 2 sensed that something was wrong she actually asked " what happened last night, did somebody get arrested? " Boy 1 would later say that his mother must have some sort of power, she may even be a witch how else could she have guessed something had happened? Well it all came out while Boy 2 was driving his fathers truck and drove right through a red light and his father said pull over your mother was right what happened and Boy 2 spilled his guts. Boy 2 and his father went home and told the mother, she laughed and said really all of that over some duct tape? Boy 2's court appearance date came and he and his father went, his father told Boy 1 to stay home. The Judge heard the complaint stated by the very serious police officer and the Judge laughed and said " you have to be kidding me all of this over some duct tape ". The Judge then told Boy 2 that his record would be expunged if he stayed out of trouble for 6 months, which he did.
Boy 1, Boy 2, Boy 3 and Boy 4 have told this story and laughed about it so many times but it was the beginning and the end of their life of crime.
Moral of this story: Crime doesn't pay... or...
Get rid of the evidence even if it's a perfectly good roll of duct tape.
Luke and The Klondike Bar
Both of my boys played baseball when they were younger, Luke really loved the game. He was a maniac, he always argued with the umpire, he would pop shit to everyone, he played with all his heart. When he was about 13 I was driving him, Jesse ( who was about 9 ) and a friend of Luke's to a ball game, we stopped for gas. While I was pumping gas a man pulled up at another pump, Luke and his friend thought they recognized him, from the back seat, neither of them got out, then. The two of them kept staring at this man while talking to each other trying to decide if he was a coach they had once had. Apparently all the staring and talking pissed this guy off, which I was unaware of. The guy goes inside the store while I finish pumping my gas. As we are pulling out of the parking lot this guy walks out of the store, while Luke and his friend are looking out the window still trying to decide if it's who they think it is, so still staring at this guy. I stop at the stop sign and see that this guy has this silver square thing in his hand, looks just like a tape measure that my ex has. I'm waiting to pull out when all of a sudden this silver thing is in the air coming straight for our car and Luke yells " he threw a tape measure ". This thing hits the car and before I know it Luke is out of the car running full steam, like a charging bull, at this guy, and the guy is coming at him. I put the car in park and get out and wedge myself between my 13 year old son and this grown man, while Luke is trying to get around me to get at this guy. I tell the guy he's just a kid and he thought he knew you, this guy is pissed off yelling about how the two boys were staring at him and talking about him. I was like come on, there just kids. Someone from the store yelled that they had called the Police so the guys turns around and walks back towards his car. Luke sees the " tape measure " on the ground and picks it up, he was going to hurl it at the back of this guys head when he saw that it wasn't a tape measure it was a klondike bar. So Luke keeps it and as we are pulling away he sticks his head out of the window, takes a big bite and yells to the guy " thanks for the klondike bar ".
So, Can You Ride A Horse?
From the time that Darlene and I became friends I spent almost all my time at her house. She lived on a farm with her mother, big brother, little brother, step sister and step father. They had cows, horses, dogs, cats and all kinds of creatures, so different from my home life. One day Dar asked me if I could ride a horse and if so did I want to. My answer was, of course I can ride a horse who couldn't ride a horse, you just get on and then the horse does all the work. I was wearing a pair of jeans that were too big for me so Dar's little brother let me borrow his rainbow suspenders. So after I was " suited up " we went out to ride the horses. I got on a very large horse, I don't care what Dar may say now, but this was a very large horse. Getting on was not as easy as I had assumed but I finally did it. Once on the large horse I had no idea what to do, I trusted that the large horse would know but we just sort of sat there with me on the large horse. I was starting to feel somewhat comfortable even when the large horse took a couple of steps. Then Dar's step Dad came from out of no where on a tractor, hind sight tells me that it is almost impossible to sneak up on someone while driving a tractor, but at the time it seemed like that's exactly what he did. I got startled and the large horse got startled so he took off with me on his back- for about 15 seconds and then I was on the ground. I hit my head on something, I do believe it was the tractor and then I just laid there on the ground. Dar's little brother came rushing over to help me, so sweet of him right?!, wrong he came over to brush the dirt off of his rainbow suspenders. He actually said are you all right while never making eye contact just cleaning off his suspenders. Dar's Mom was afraid that I might have a concussion so she made Dar stay awake all night to keep waking me up to see if I was okay- now that's true friendship:-)
So to answer the above question- No I cannot ride a horse!
Dar's little brother did redeem himself- a few years later when I was looking for a place to live he told me that I could live in his tree house- now that was sweet. But he never did offer to lend me his rainbow suspenders again!
So to answer the above question- No I cannot ride a horse!
Dar's little brother did redeem himself- a few years later when I was looking for a place to live he told me that I could live in his tree house- now that was sweet. But he never did offer to lend me his rainbow suspenders again!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Dream On....
Every time I look in the mirror
all these lines on my face getting clearer
the past is gone
it went by like dusk to dawn
isn't that the way
Everybody's got the dues in life to pay
I know nobody knows
when it comes and when it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
you got to lose to know how to win
half my life
is books, written pages
live and learn from fools and
from sages
you know its true oh
all these feelings come back to you
sing with me sing for the years
sing for the laughter sing for the tears
sing with me just for today
maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream until your dreams come true...
all these lines on my face getting clearer
the past is gone
it went by like dusk to dawn
isn't that the way
Everybody's got the dues in life to pay
I know nobody knows
when it comes and when it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
you got to lose to know how to win
half my life
is books, written pages
live and learn from fools and
from sages
you know its true oh
all these feelings come back to you
sing with me sing for the years
sing for the laughter sing for the tears
sing with me just for today
maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream until your dreams come true...
Now That Would Be Odd :-) :-)
So I live 15 miles from the beach, North Topsail Island to be exact, I'm on the beach often. Often may be an understatement, I love to be able to, whenever I want, stand on the beach looking at the water with sand between my toes. My sister claims this is in our genetic makeup, it's almost a need to " feel " the ocean. My Grandmother lived about 5 miles from Rehoboth Beach in Delaware, every morning of her life she went to the waters edge to look at the ocean, as if to make sure it was still there. It never disappoints me, the sheer enormity of it, the force, the sight, the smell, the sound, I am always in complete awe of the ocean. There were times when I was married that I hadn't been to the ocean for far to long and then when I got there it would bring me to tears, like seeing a well loved, deeply missed old friend. So when I got divorced, after a lifetime of marriage, I was lost as to what to do. I had the need for comfort that no one could give. I had to find faith, so I went to the constant love in my life from birth, the ocean. I moved to the beach. I had fallen in love with this area while vacationing here while I was married, but it wasn't a " family vacation spot " it wasn't full of family memories. We vacationed here a few times in the latter years of our marriage so it didn't have that stigma attached to it.
I walk Liberty on the beach we have our routine, we park and walk in the water so she can swim on our way to the point, where the fisherman are. Then on the way back we walk up high closer to the dunes so she can dry off before she gets in the car. During the summer months I walk her in the late afternoon, early evening when it's not as hot. This time of year I can walk her whenever we feel the urge because the weather is beautiful. You would think with all that walking she would be better on a leash, but no she's Liberty, she pulls me like she's a sled dog.
So apparently sometime this summer while I was walking with Liberty on the beach, 15 miles from my house, my ex husband and his new fam were vacationing here at the beach, 15 miles from my house, while Liberty and I were walking. Apparently he saw me walking on the beach, 15 miles from my house. I know that he saw me because he made a comment to one of my children he said, that he was on vacation on North Topsail Island and said you will never guess who I saw. Well I may be bragging but I believe my kids are very smart so I think once they heard that question AFTER the statement of where he vacationed- they just might be able to guess who he saw on the beach, 15 miles from my house. So he said " I saw your mother, don't you think that's odd? " Now let me clarify, he knows where I live, he also knows my love for the beach. And since we had, when we were together, vacationed at the exact place he stayed with the new fam, and he knew I loved it, hmmm he thinks it's odd that he saw me...hmmm let me think on that, he is vacationing, with the new fam, at the exact same place we vacationed at, and the thing that strikes him as odd is the fact that he saw me walking on the beach that is 15 miles from where I live. I don't get it, call me dumb, call me thick, or just call me Rita.
But ya know what would be odd?
If he saw me on vacation, wearing a bathing suit, walking my dog in his neighborhood in upstate New York- now that would be odd:-):-):-)
I walk Liberty on the beach we have our routine, we park and walk in the water so she can swim on our way to the point, where the fisherman are. Then on the way back we walk up high closer to the dunes so she can dry off before she gets in the car. During the summer months I walk her in the late afternoon, early evening when it's not as hot. This time of year I can walk her whenever we feel the urge because the weather is beautiful. You would think with all that walking she would be better on a leash, but no she's Liberty, she pulls me like she's a sled dog.
So apparently sometime this summer while I was walking with Liberty on the beach, 15 miles from my house, my ex husband and his new fam were vacationing here at the beach, 15 miles from my house, while Liberty and I were walking. Apparently he saw me walking on the beach, 15 miles from my house. I know that he saw me because he made a comment to one of my children he said, that he was on vacation on North Topsail Island and said you will never guess who I saw. Well I may be bragging but I believe my kids are very smart so I think once they heard that question AFTER the statement of where he vacationed- they just might be able to guess who he saw on the beach, 15 miles from my house. So he said " I saw your mother, don't you think that's odd? " Now let me clarify, he knows where I live, he also knows my love for the beach. And since we had, when we were together, vacationed at the exact place he stayed with the new fam, and he knew I loved it, hmmm he thinks it's odd that he saw me...hmmm let me think on that, he is vacationing, with the new fam, at the exact same place we vacationed at, and the thing that strikes him as odd is the fact that he saw me walking on the beach that is 15 miles from where I live. I don't get it, call me dumb, call me thick, or just call me Rita.
But ya know what would be odd?
If he saw me on vacation, wearing a bathing suit, walking my dog in his neighborhood in upstate New York- now that would be odd:-):-):-)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Liberty, The Fire Ants,The Fisherman, The Seagulls and The Clothesline.
When I moved here I moved in with my Rottie, Boo, and my cat, Meg. I brought my 55 gallon aquarium that I have slowly put a few fish in, can't move to quickly with the fish. The adopting of fish I take a careful, slow, well thought out approach to. Dogs now that's a different story, I let my heart run free when it comes to a creature that can actually chew the leg off of my buffet. In New York Boo lived with other dogs, when we first got here she was an only canine child. I thought she was lonely ( I have been known to be wrong in the past and as it turns out history really does repeat itself! )so in my infinite wisdom I got HER a puppy. I went to the shelter to volunteer and there was a litter of puppies all together in this cage, they were all carbon copies of each other- some kind of hound with large droopy ears. All except one, she was at the back of the cage set apart from the others and well to put it delicately Mama must have been fooling around because she didn't look a thing like the rest of the gang. I had already told myself that I was not adopting anything but then the whole Boo's lonely and this poor ugly ducking puppy is going to be put to sleep thing ran through my mind and well one thing led to another. That's how Liberty came to live with us. I don't know what breeds are in her genetic make up, looks like maybe Boxer, Pit, Hound who knows she is all mutt, that's her breed. She's beige in color, she has an under bite, her tail is crooked, her ears can't decide whether to stand up or droop down and she is uncontrollably happy. She never has a bad day, she's never just a bit down in the dumps, even when she's getting yelled out ( which is quite often ) she never lets it get her down, she's just happy. That aspect of her personality is the very thing that drives Boo crazy, Boo looks at her like she is insane. If she could speak she would say " dip shit Mom is yelling at you for almost chewing the leg off of the buffet show some respect and try not to be so up beat ". But Liberty doesn't get it, and Boo can't really stand to be in the same room with her, so I am proven wrong once again. Boo is not mean to her she just tries to ignore her, but Liberty will not be ignored, she jumps up and down as if to say " look at me look at me look at me ". Boo doesn't look at her, she looks at me with this - what were you thinking - look on her face. I have to admit most days I ask myself that very question but I plead temporary insanity.
Liberty is a digger, not to get anywhere, not to try to escape, she just digs holes, big ones in the center of the yard. Just enough so that if I go out there in the dark trying to catch her to bring her in I will fall in one of her holes and she can pounce on me- look at me look at me look at me. She's like having the forever 2 year old, except fortunately for me its legal to put a leash on her and put her in her crate for a time out. One day she was in the yard digging holes like it was her job and I see her pawing at her face, then rubbing her face on the ground. I go out there as she is now almost convulsing, twisting and rubbing her body like she was on fire. I get down on the ground and see that she is covered in fire ants, her latest hole was an ant hill. Still she's not unhappy, I hear her tail thump, thump on the ground, while ants are crawling around her eyes and her nostrils, she is covered. It was kind of funny for a minute I told her you picked the wrong spot for a hole this time, while Boo looked like she was smiling, it was actually the happiest I had seen Boo act while in Liberty's vicinity. I didn't know what to do but I knew I had to get them off her, I didn't have the hose hooked up so I did the first thing that came to mind. Odd how this was the first thing that came to mind but I went inside and got Listerine, soaked a towel with it and rubbed her down, killed those ants right away. Liberty jumped right up off the ground and right on top of Boo who glared at me as if I had just released the flying monkey's. To this day while in the yard Liberty will not walk in that spot where the fire ants were. She can be running at full speed but she makes a wide arc around that spot, she may be goofy but she's not stupid, don't tell Boo I said that:)
Lib loves the beach, she loves everything about it, the sand, the water, the people, she loves it all. She loves to see what the fishermen are catching and she is positive they want to show her. I am not so positive but once they have made the mistake of making eye contact with her it's too late. I have very little control before they look at her but once they do it's all over. She insists that they talk to her, she will stare a man down until he has no choice but she speak to her. Then I feel if they cannot resist talking to her what happens from there is on them not me. She wants to see inside the bait bucket and the fish bucket and she wants to carry a fish head in her mouth as we make our way down the beach, yeah she's a smelly beast. Sometimes she just wants to sit by a fisherman and watch what he's doing, personally I don't thinks its that interesting but Lib does, and I'm usually at her mercy. She'll sit there until something else comes up to interest her that something is usually the seagulls, she is positive that one day she will catch one. It's not for lack of trying that she hasn't caught one yet, she has tried all different approaches. The charge right in and make them scatter fast approach - doesn't work, the pretend she doesn't see them and then dart at them at the last minute approach - doesn't work, the look at the water while walking sideways towards them approach- doesn't work, the maybe I can reach them better from in the water approach- doesn't work. The one that got her close was lay down in the sand while holding a fish head in your mouth approach that had them walking towards her which I think surprised her as much as the gulls. But she is the ultimate optimist she always goes in with the attitude that one day...
I went to Lowe's bought one of those umbrella style clotheslines to put up in the yard. I took it out of the box read the directions, dug the hole, put the cement in, put the green pole that goes into the ground in and let it set up for 24 hours. The green pole that goes in the ground is flush with the ground so you can take the main part of the umbrella out and still mow over the part that is cemented into the ground. Liberty was being such a good girl she was laying at the far end of the yard chewing on one of her toys. I went out with the rest of the contraption & I was smiling looking at her while I was walking to where the clothesline was when I fell in a hole. I didn't think she had dug a hole over where I had dug the hole for the clothesline green pole, but she had dug so many who could keep track. Then I couldn't find my clothesline green pole, I know I had cemented it in flush to the ground but I should be able to see the top of the green pole, but I couldn't find it. The only thing I saw was the hole that I had fallen in, had someone stolen my cemented in clothesline green pole? As the truth began to dawn on me I looked more closely at Liberty and saw the " toy " that she had in her mouth was green. I called her and she ran to me with the clothesline green pole with the cement still on it, in her mouth. She had dug all the way around that chunk of cement and had taken it with the green pole out of the ground, but she did come that time when I called her- that was a first- it was a last too but at least she came once- right?!
So can I interest anyone in a nice, happy dog? Any takers? Huh? Anyone? Huh? look at me look at me look at me- thump, thump, thump- come on it sounds like fun doesn't it?!!
Liberty is a digger, not to get anywhere, not to try to escape, she just digs holes, big ones in the center of the yard. Just enough so that if I go out there in the dark trying to catch her to bring her in I will fall in one of her holes and she can pounce on me- look at me look at me look at me. She's like having the forever 2 year old, except fortunately for me its legal to put a leash on her and put her in her crate for a time out. One day she was in the yard digging holes like it was her job and I see her pawing at her face, then rubbing her face on the ground. I go out there as she is now almost convulsing, twisting and rubbing her body like she was on fire. I get down on the ground and see that she is covered in fire ants, her latest hole was an ant hill. Still she's not unhappy, I hear her tail thump, thump on the ground, while ants are crawling around her eyes and her nostrils, she is covered. It was kind of funny for a minute I told her you picked the wrong spot for a hole this time, while Boo looked like she was smiling, it was actually the happiest I had seen Boo act while in Liberty's vicinity. I didn't know what to do but I knew I had to get them off her, I didn't have the hose hooked up so I did the first thing that came to mind. Odd how this was the first thing that came to mind but I went inside and got Listerine, soaked a towel with it and rubbed her down, killed those ants right away. Liberty jumped right up off the ground and right on top of Boo who glared at me as if I had just released the flying monkey's. To this day while in the yard Liberty will not walk in that spot where the fire ants were. She can be running at full speed but she makes a wide arc around that spot, she may be goofy but she's not stupid, don't tell Boo I said that:)
Lib loves the beach, she loves everything about it, the sand, the water, the people, she loves it all. She loves to see what the fishermen are catching and she is positive they want to show her. I am not so positive but once they have made the mistake of making eye contact with her it's too late. I have very little control before they look at her but once they do it's all over. She insists that they talk to her, she will stare a man down until he has no choice but she speak to her. Then I feel if they cannot resist talking to her what happens from there is on them not me. She wants to see inside the bait bucket and the fish bucket and she wants to carry a fish head in her mouth as we make our way down the beach, yeah she's a smelly beast. Sometimes she just wants to sit by a fisherman and watch what he's doing, personally I don't thinks its that interesting but Lib does, and I'm usually at her mercy. She'll sit there until something else comes up to interest her that something is usually the seagulls, she is positive that one day she will catch one. It's not for lack of trying that she hasn't caught one yet, she has tried all different approaches. The charge right in and make them scatter fast approach - doesn't work, the pretend she doesn't see them and then dart at them at the last minute approach - doesn't work, the look at the water while walking sideways towards them approach- doesn't work, the maybe I can reach them better from in the water approach- doesn't work. The one that got her close was lay down in the sand while holding a fish head in your mouth approach that had them walking towards her which I think surprised her as much as the gulls. But she is the ultimate optimist she always goes in with the attitude that one day...
I went to Lowe's bought one of those umbrella style clotheslines to put up in the yard. I took it out of the box read the directions, dug the hole, put the cement in, put the green pole that goes into the ground in and let it set up for 24 hours. The green pole that goes in the ground is flush with the ground so you can take the main part of the umbrella out and still mow over the part that is cemented into the ground. Liberty was being such a good girl she was laying at the far end of the yard chewing on one of her toys. I went out with the rest of the contraption & I was smiling looking at her while I was walking to where the clothesline was when I fell in a hole. I didn't think she had dug a hole over where I had dug the hole for the clothesline green pole, but she had dug so many who could keep track. Then I couldn't find my clothesline green pole, I know I had cemented it in flush to the ground but I should be able to see the top of the green pole, but I couldn't find it. The only thing I saw was the hole that I had fallen in, had someone stolen my cemented in clothesline green pole? As the truth began to dawn on me I looked more closely at Liberty and saw the " toy " that she had in her mouth was green. I called her and she ran to me with the clothesline green pole with the cement still on it, in her mouth. She had dug all the way around that chunk of cement and had taken it with the green pole out of the ground, but she did come that time when I called her- that was a first- it was a last too but at least she came once- right?!
So can I interest anyone in a nice, happy dog? Any takers? Huh? Anyone? Huh? look at me look at me look at me- thump, thump, thump- come on it sounds like fun doesn't it?!!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Bleak Times...
A friend was laid off on Thursday. Work is where we became friends but she is not simply a friend from work. She had been with the company for over 11 years and the District Manager walked in on Thursday and told her " due to economic reasons your employment with the company has been terminated ". After 11 years of loyal service that's what she got. They basically told her that there was no rhyme or reason to how they chose who to lay off. Quite honestly it should have been me, I only have 2 years with the company and I do not have young children that I carry health insurance for, when I brought these facts up the District Manager said he didn't have a choice in the matter. Then who did? Who chose? Who had the great plan to do it and to do it the way it was done? There was no warning, she wasn't given the chance to prepare, to look for something else, no one was given the opportunity to volunteer or to retire, they chose by no real method. It was as if they said thanks for your hard work and YEARS of dedication- but you have fallen below the yellow line and it's time to pack your things and say your good byes. If she had chosen to quit on them, they would have expected 2 weeks notice but she got no notice, just- here's your hat what's your hurry? There's the door close it behind you on your way out- TODAY!!
I work for Citi and this is how they are handling the economic crisis- putting more people in line at the unemployment office. Thursday November 6, 2008 the numbers were as follows: 24 people in my area, 300 people in my division, 1300 people across the U.S, with 102 Citifinancial branches closed. That is just one small portion of Citi as a whole.
Friday November 7, 2008- an article in the New York Times states that from a confidential reliable source within the Citi organization there will be ANOTHER 9,100 people let go in the upcoming months. Yep- bleak times...
Good luck my friend, may God bless you and keep you.
This goes out to Donna, my friend:
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
I work for Citi and this is how they are handling the economic crisis- putting more people in line at the unemployment office. Thursday November 6, 2008 the numbers were as follows: 24 people in my area, 300 people in my division, 1300 people across the U.S, with 102 Citifinancial branches closed. That is just one small portion of Citi as a whole.
Friday November 7, 2008- an article in the New York Times states that from a confidential reliable source within the Citi organization there will be ANOTHER 9,100 people let go in the upcoming months. Yep- bleak times...
Good luck my friend, may God bless you and keep you.
This goes out to Donna, my friend:
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Friday, November 7, 2008
The Termite Guy
I took today off from work because it was time for my annual termite inspection. I had to take the day off because they only do these inspections Monday - Friday from 9am to 5pm. I don't know why, maybe the termite guys have secret knowledge that the bugs themselves take nights and week ends off, but those are the inspections times. So the termite guy, kid I should say see my kid criteria in a previous post, shows up. He comes in and tells me it won't take long he just has to look around, his only tool is a flashlight. He walks through my house looking at the baseboards with his flashlight. I follow him thinking there has to be more to it than this. But no that's all he does, so I ask" what are you actually looking for?" He says "well if there are wood destroying insects present you can usually see the evidence around the baseboards." I ask
" what kind of evidence." He says "well the paint is usually buckled and peeling from the damage to the backside of the baseboard." To which I respond "but isn't that something that I would notice on my own." He says "yes, and if you ever see it call us immediately so we can treat the area." So I say "your not going to treat the area now?" He says "no we only treat AFTER we see signs of insect presence." He goes into the garage where Boo is, to all of those that know my Boo you will know exactly what the inspector and the dogs reaction was like! After I convinced him that she was not actually going to tear his throat out, which he never seemed totally convinced, he quickly " inspected " the garage and then made his way outside and " inspected the outside of the house. I then wrote him a check for $118, yes you read that right. After he left I thought wow I could do that job after all I own a flashlight and have eyes, maybe that's my next career move.
" what kind of evidence." He says "well the paint is usually buckled and peeling from the damage to the backside of the baseboard." To which I respond "but isn't that something that I would notice on my own." He says "yes, and if you ever see it call us immediately so we can treat the area." So I say "your not going to treat the area now?" He says "no we only treat AFTER we see signs of insect presence." He goes into the garage where Boo is, to all of those that know my Boo you will know exactly what the inspector and the dogs reaction was like! After I convinced him that she was not actually going to tear his throat out, which he never seemed totally convinced, he quickly " inspected " the garage and then made his way outside and " inspected the outside of the house. I then wrote him a check for $118, yes you read that right. After he left I thought wow I could do that job after all I own a flashlight and have eyes, maybe that's my next career move.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Lucian, Poundcake & the Komodo Dragon
I met Lucian on my first day at work, honestly I wasn't too sure if we would get along. He's loud and a bit rough around the edges and he says what's on his mind- sort of like me - so I didn't know if we would click. We had one and only one yelling match, where I stood toe to toe ( if that's possible since he is a giant!) with him and didn't back down. After that we never had another conflict, I think we gained each others respect. But I was still unsure if we would actually get along, until the day that he took off his shoes and danced around the office to Motown, it was then that I knew we would be friends. We talked alot about food, I was always eating trail mix, granola bars, fruit something of that nature and he would comment " You are the eatinest ( yes that was his word ) girl I ever seen " Then he said I needed to eat southern food, scared me just a bit but I was game. The first place we went I don't even know the name of, to me it looked like a house that they had removed the picture window and made it into a drive thru. The sign said barbecue but not barbecue what. I asked Lucian " barbecue what? " he said "it's barbecue just eat it " so I, did barbecue something on a hamburger roll with coleslaw on top. I don't even like coleslaw and it was good! The next time a church group was " selling plates " Lucian said " buy a plate " I said " a plate of what? " he said " just buy a plate " so I did. It was barbecue chicken, potato, collard greens and a biscuit, it was good. A woman dropped them off and as she was leaving she told me " don't let Lucian eat all the pound cake, cake comes with your plate ". I asked him where my cake was he says " she only gave me one piece " then he shows me, it is one piece but it's huge it obviously was meant for both of us. As he's unwrapping " his " piece of cake I grabbed it out of his hand and shoved the whole ( and it was big ) piece of cake in my mouth. The look on his face will live in my memory forever, everyone in the room started laughing as he stood there with his mouth open, shaking his head. When he recovered he said " girl I can't believe you put that whole cake in your mouth" I told him that at first I was thinking about just licking the whole thing but I thought he would have eaten it anyway. He said " your damn right I would that's some good cake ". After we all stopped laughing I told him that the woman from the church had come back in and left more cake in case he didn't let anyone else have any, so he still got to eat cake.
I would come in several times a week with the " you know what I think I saw on the drive in this morning " story. The I would go on and on telling him what I thought I saw, whether or not he wanted to hear it. The list was endless here are just a few: I saw a black bear, his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " I saw a coyote his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " I saw a wolf , His reply " Uh Huh we have them here " I saw a grizzly bear, his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " what ever I said I thought I saw he would always give the same reply, he never asked questions like where did you see it, never made any other comment other than : "Uh Huh we have them here " One day I decided to test him see if he was even paying attention so I said " Lucian you know what I think I saw this morning- a komodo dragon his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " . I guess I got my answer:)
I would come in several times a week with the " you know what I think I saw on the drive in this morning " story. The I would go on and on telling him what I thought I saw, whether or not he wanted to hear it. The list was endless here are just a few: I saw a black bear, his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " I saw a coyote his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " I saw a wolf , His reply " Uh Huh we have them here " I saw a grizzly bear, his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " what ever I said I thought I saw he would always give the same reply, he never asked questions like where did you see it, never made any other comment other than : "Uh Huh we have them here " One day I decided to test him see if he was even paying attention so I said " Lucian you know what I think I saw this morning- a komodo dragon his reply " Uh Huh we have them here " . I guess I got my answer:)
Welcome to North Carolina!
I lived here for one week before I had to start work, not nearly long enough to get to know my way around. The morning of my first day of work I leave early because I'm not really sure I know how to get there and I don't want to be late. I'm driving down highway 258 and I see the Trooper ( oh excuse me they are called Highway Patrolmen down here ) too late, but he's coming towards me so I believe I'll be OK. I know I was speeding but really how fast could I have been going and he was coming towards me right, not up from behind. He goes past me and I , of course, am wrong, I look back as he's pulling the u-turn. He comes up on me lights flashing and all the bells and whistles going off. I pull over along side of a cotton field and wait for him to get out, and wait, and wait, it took him longer to get out of the car than the whole, for lack of better words I'll say transaction. He comes up to the door and says license and registration, I hand it to him and he asks ( which always gets me why do they ask? ) " Do you know what I pulled you over for?" I say " Yes Sir I do but I have an explanation" He wasn't interested but I explained anyway. I told him that I had just moved here from NY and it was my first day of work and I was unsure of where I was going and I didn't want to be late. He said " Uh huh " and walked back to his car, got back inside ( which just the getting out had taken what seemed like a year and a day and now he was going to do it again) So I guess he ran my brand new North Carolina drivers license, which of course was clean since I only had it about 2 days. He got back out of the car and walked back over to me handed me the ticket and said " Welcome to North Carolina ". I suppose that was some form of southern hospitality:)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Just One?
After the North Carolina Department of Motor Vehicle we have to drive across town to the " plate office " you don't do all of it in the same building. To register the car we have to go to the " plate office ". So we drive over there, see the sign that says if you are registering a vehicle for the first time you must pay in cash and it's pretty expensive because they tax you car as " real property " again they assume that everyone knows what that means. I didn't I was thinking NY prices on a registration- wrong, way wrong. I had to go to the ATM while I left Dar on line, the ATM is in the parking lot so I walked over to it, was told by the ATM guard?! that I could not walk up to the ATM I had to be in a vehicle, so I got the car and got the cash and went back inside. When you walk in you notice 3 things, the room is divided in two sides, each side has different types of chairs, and the very large sign that says " there is no public bathroom ". There is a sign that directs you to take a certain color ticket depending on what you are there for. Pink tickets if you are registering a vehicle for the first time, white tickets for pretty much everything else. We take a pink ticket, the next sign tells you which side of the room to sit on, pink tickets sit on the right and white tickets sit on the left. We go to the right and sit down. Our chairs are cushioned, with backs, comfortable chairs, the white ticket holders get metal folding chairs, we think we got lucky...wrong. It was Dar that figured it out, people with pink tickets got to sit in the cushioned chairs because they were going to be there for a very, very long time. Finally they call our number and we go up to the window where the woman calls me " sug" I say nothing thinking maybe that is my name now I sure don't know. I give her the required documents which include, my birth certificate, social security card, NY registration and my brand new North Carolina drivers license. She looks at my brand new North Carolina drivers license and asks me " what is your name?" I say I don't know but then again I didn't know I ever lived in Arkansas. She asks what happened I tell her about the DMV czar, she says she is going to register my car in my legal name of Patricia which will then make my brand new North Carolina drivers license invalid. I think in my head " yippee this is so much fun " but say what am I supposed to do she insists my name is Patti Ann, she says she'll call over there and "set them straight and tell them to get me right back in to fix it". I say thank you and she hands me " a plate " I look at it and look at her and say " you only gave me one " say responds "that's right sug just one" I am still confused and then I say " it goes on the back? " to which she very gently responds " yes baby it goes on the back ". So we leave the plate office and go back to the DMV, where they take me right in but this time the DMV czar won't even look at me let alone take care of me so I go to some guy who doesn't ask any questions changes my name sends me back to the picture lady who doesn't ask me if I want to freshen up, she just takes my picture, which by this time I look even worse, she gives me my second brand new North Caroilina drivers license and sends me on my way.
Which brings me back to- what's my name. Last week I went to vote because you can vote early here, before election day, I don't know why but you can. So I did, I knew that I hadn't registered, so I told work I might be a little late with having to register and all. So I go to The Tar Landing Baptist Church to vote, I walk in a very nice woman asked me if I was registered I said no, she takes me to the woman who will do that. I sit down get out my NC drivers license show it to her, she says " I don't see a Patricia Flanagan at that address but I do see a Patti Ann Flanagan at that address - could that be you? " I say yes it could be, she then says " well sug you were registered at the DMV ".
Which brings me back to- what's my name. Last week I went to vote because you can vote early here, before election day, I don't know why but you can. So I did, I knew that I hadn't registered, so I told work I might be a little late with having to register and all. So I go to The Tar Landing Baptist Church to vote, I walk in a very nice woman asked me if I was registered I said no, she takes me to the woman who will do that. I sit down get out my NC drivers license show it to her, she says " I don't see a Patricia Flanagan at that address but I do see a Patti Ann Flanagan at that address - could that be you? " I say yes it could be, she then says " well sug you were registered at the DMV ".
What is Your Name?
While Dar was here when I first moved in we went to the North Carolina Department of Motor Vehicle to get my drivers license changed. We waited and then they called me, she was not allowed to go beyond a certain point with me, I don't know why but it was like airport security. So I went in alone, they sent me to this woman who took all the documentation that I was told to bring, which included my NY license, birth certificate and social security card. She starts putting info in the computer and proceeds to tell me that I have lived in Delaware ( true ), then from there I lived in Arkansas ( false ) and then from there New York ( true ). I tell her that I have never lived in Arkansas to which she replies " Oh yes you have " To which I reply " Oh no I haven't ' to which she replies " Oh yes you have, maybe you don't remember " To which I reply " I think I would remember, but if you say so " To which she replied " I say so ". That was the end of that. She then sends me to another computer where I have to take the signs test, I ask what that is she say " your signs test " in a I can't believe you don't know what that is tone. So I sit down and look into this computer screen and all these signs pop up and you have to pick from multiple choice answers what they are. These signs are all blank just the shape, no letters, some shapes are very close to being the same, some I believe were the same just a different color. At this point I'm thinking I'm screwed since the DMV czar has confiscated my NY license and there is no way I know what some of these signs are for, I'm gonna have to make a break for the door. The guy sitting next to me helps me out, thanks to him I now know what the sign for logging trucks moving slowly up a hill is- who would know that if they aren't from around here? I hadn't even seen a logging truck at that point let alone one moving slowly up a hill, and to know that there is a sign for that! There were about 30 signs on that test on my own I think I got the stop sign, yield sign, school crossing sign and Railroad crossing sign, the rest I had no clue. I even asked which one was the hey look there's a flock of turkey in the filed on your right sign? No one laughed except me. So with help I pass the sign test and go back to the DMV czar, she finishes up and then sends me to the lady who will take my picture who asks if I need to " freshen up" I say no thanks I'm fresh enough, she looks at me like she thinks I need to freshen up but she takes my picture and then has me sit on the side and wait. She calls me over and hands me my brand new North Carolina drivers license, when I see the picture I have to admit she may have been right about that whole freshen up thing, then I notice my name. On my brand new North Carolina drivers license my name is Patti Ann Flanagan, and I think that's odd since my legal name is Patricia. So I go back to the DMV czar and say should my name be Patti Ann or Patricia, she says and I quote " Patti Ann IS your name ". I say thank you and leave. So I show my brand new North Carolina drivers license to Dar who laughs so hard she's crying and then she calls me Patti Ann. So what's your name? Do you know your own name? You might think you do but maybe if you got a brand new North Carolina drivers license you just might find out you don't really know your name or that you lived in Arkansas.
New York to Southern Drawl Dictionary
I thought I was getting better with what appears to be a language barrier between my New York ears and the Southern drawl... I was wrong. The other day the neighbor was walking his dog, Otis, this is a dog that has been living next door to me all year. Only this day the neighbor also had a pure white Boxer puppy with Otis. Otis always wants to see me when he is in his yard behind the fence but when he is out on the leash he turns his back to me, I don't know why but he ignores me when he's out of the yard, the Boxer puppy is a different story she was wiggling and happy to see me. The neighbor walks her over and she rolls over for me to rub her belly, she is adorable. While I am petting the puppy, and Otis is ignoring me, I ask what the puppy's name is. I hear Leche, so I say " oh how cute she does look just like milk " the neighbor just looks at me with this blank look on his face, so I go on to say " her name is perfect since she does look just like milk " he says " huh?! " So I say " in Spanish milk is Leche " he says " really? " I now am the one with the blank look on her face. I say goodbye and walk away thinking how did he ever come up with that name if he didn't mean for it to be milk. Today I figured it out. Today the guy's girlfriend has the puppy out in the yard, the girlfriend is not from the South. She is walking the puppy and when the puppy pees she says " Good girl Lacey ". I say " her name is Lacey?" She says " Yes ". I start laughing while she now has the blank look on her face, I was going to explain but decided not to I figure just let them think that's one crazy lady next door.
Monday, October 20, 2008
THE SHACK
I read a good book and I wanted to share. The book is: THE SHACK- Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity by William P. Young
In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant THE SHACK wrestles with the timeless question: Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain? This book may help lead you into a higher understanding, it did me. You can also visit the web site: www.theshackbook.com for The Missy Project
The book is well worth the reading.
In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant THE SHACK wrestles with the timeless question: Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain? This book may help lead you into a higher understanding, it did me. You can also visit the web site: www.theshackbook.com for The Missy Project
The book is well worth the reading.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Moving South
One morning in August of 2007 I woke up with only 1 thought on my mind: Move South. I suppose this could have meant move over to the south side of the bed and go back to sleep, or move into the south side of the house, but I took it to mean actually move south. I immediately started making plans. I inquired about a job transfer, made the calls noted the possibilities, made reservations to stay on Topsail Island, NC, took the vacation days and got in the car, alone and drove. The first week of September I spent a week, alone, in NC, stayed on Topsail and explored the surrounding area. Found a realtor, looked at many, many houses, chose a house, put a binder on it, hired a home inspector, appraiser, mortgage broker, lawyer, got the job transfer finalized, and of course walked the beach, like Cain walking the earth except me walking the beach. When the week was over I drove back to NY and started packing, rented a moving truck, and packed, transferred my bank accounts, and packed, spent time with my kids, and packed, said my good bye's, and still packed. October 24, 2007 I picked up the moving truck and started loading it with the help of my kids and a few friends. I don't remember the exact size of the truck so I will just say a BIG truck and still I left things behind. You can accumulate alot of stuff in 27 years, at the time some of the stuff I thought I couldn't do without. Some of it is still in boxes in my garage, guess I could have rented a smaller truck and left more stuff behind. Bright and early on the morning of October 25th my best friend showed up to make the drive to NC with me, I will be eternally grateful to her and for her. Dar and I drove my Blazer, packed full with stuff as well as my Rottie, Boo, my cat, Meg, and six house plants. My youngest son drove the moving truck, the BIG truck. That began the journey into my new life, which at times has felt like the twilight zone. The trip itself was pretty uneventful, except for the times we stopped at rest stops and the dog attempted to eat truckers, she was just a bit nervous and out of her element and she let anyone that came anywhere near us know that. Then there were the weigh stations for BIG trucks. The info with the moving truck said that if you saw an open weigh station you had to stop- so...we did. I saw the sign for the weigh station it said open, so to prevent from getting separated from the boy driving the BIG truck we stopped at the weigh station as well. We didn't know that once in the weigh station the only way out was over the scale. So Dar, I, Boo & Meg in a Chevy Trailblazer drove on the scale at the weigh station, by the time we got to the scale ( we obeyed all the signs, stopped and waited for the sign to tell us that our weight was ok ) we were hysterical laughing, we said if asked, we were going to say that it was our weigh in day at Weight Watchers and since we would miss it due to traveling we just wanted to get our weight. Could anyone figure it out- minus the weight of the blazer, the dog, the cat, the six house plants, the luggage and any other stuff in the blazer. Imagine what the guys at the weigh station were thinking? Look at these 2 stupid women thinking they have to stop at the weigh station in a Chevy trailblazer. So we continued on the trip to the rest of my life, until we stopped in Emporia VA and the boy was looking for no doze in the gas station, drinking Red Bull, Amp and coffee at the same time, so we got a room and stopped for the night. I went in and got the room, told them I had a dog, a big dog. They said no problem the pet friendly rooms were on the 5th floor. Now is it just me or does that make any sense? Why put the dogs on the 5th floor? This meant I was going to have to take an already confused and agitated 90 lb Rottie up in the elevator. We took the cat, in her crate, that contained a small litter box and put her on the front seat of the BIG truck. I put the leash on the dog and headed for the hotel, Dar and the boy scoped out the situation to see if innocent people would be harmed and we brought her in straight to the elevator. This is a dog that is very sweet and loving, but she does have some issues, she does not like men, at all, does not like is a weak way of phrasing her feelings towards men. She does not like people to get too close to me, she's a big believer in personal space. She is a creature of habit, does not like her situation to be changed and I was already pushing her to her limit with just the long trip and the rest stops and the weigh station, so I was scared. We got her on the elevator and just as the boy and I were saying as long as we don't stop to pick anyone else up we'll be fine, when the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor. The dog was sitting quietly between me and the boy as the doors opened and we saw it was a man about to get on the elevator, I instantly moved to put myself between the man and the dogs line of vision while at the same time shouting " Oh shit ", while my mind was going a mile a minute trying to figure out how we would get the man's body out of the elevator without being detected, if in fact he foolishly decided he would get in anyway, when the man said "I'm not getting in there with that dog " to which Dar said " good choice ". And the doors closed and we started going on up when we realized the dog hadn't even moved a muscle, hadn't made a noise and was still sitting quietly by the boy. We made it to the 5th floor and started down the hall to our room, this is where the dog did not want to be, she paced, she barked, she growled she was nervous. Didn't like the sounds, the smells, was just unhappy. I decided to bring her back and let her spend the night in the blazer, but decided to take the stairs this trip. So the boy and I took the dog out of the room, where a man was in the hall, not a man as smart as the elevator man but a man the was determined to see the pretty Rottie. As he started towards us the dog tensed up and let out a ferocious bark and the man stopped I said " She doesn't like men " to which he responded " She's still a beautiful dog " and we made a beeline for the stairs, the dog went down those stairs as fast as she could drag my weight, out the door and straight for the blazer, I opened the back she hopped up and laid right down with a big sigh, like why did we have to try that to begin with, and she slept in the car. The next morning we get up get the cat from the BIG truck and are amazed at how smelly a litter box can get in a closed truck overnight, put the cat back in the trailblazer, with the dog and the six house plants and finish the trip. We pull the BIG truck up to the new house, which we do not have the keys to because I haven't actually closed on the house yet, leave it there with the cat on the front seat and the six house plants on the front step. Dar, the boy, Boo and I pile into the trailblazer to go to the closing, where the boy, Dar and Boo drop me off and go shopping. I close on the house and have a small discussion about the keys to the house as the "seller" does not want to give me all the keys to all the doors, the " sellers" realtor finally convinces the " seller" to give up the keys. Since I was dropped off the realtor gives me a ride to the new house, where the boy, Dar and Boo are there waiting for me with the BIG truck, the cat, and the six houseplants. I unlocked the door we all looked around, I got Boo settled somewhere I felt she would feel a bit more secure, locked the cat in the bathroom, and we started the process of unloading the BIG truck. If I ever move again I will sell this house furnished and take as little as possible to wherever I go next, I do not ever want to go through that again. So when that time comes if I have anything that you want it's all yours but you have to move it! The boy, Dar and I unloaded that whole truck, all the furniture, all the big stuff, all the boxes at one point I just wanted to light the BIG truck on fire and watch it burn. We got all the stuff inside and then went out to eat. That was when I discovered I had moved from a carb light world into the world of- do you want a biscuit with your biscuit? It's all about the carbohydrate down here! We went back to the new house where the boy continued on with digging holes for the fence posts and Dar and I put my bed together. By that time we were all done couldn't do anymore, when I look back now I wonder where we all got the energy from, speaking for myself I am amazed at the level of energy I had, yes there were times that I was sweating so much and breathing so hard that I took a break and wondered if my heart would explode but I got right back up and kept going. Dar had brought an air mattress with her that she had bought at a garage sale and that she was going to leave with me, in the middle of that first night she found out it had a hole in it. The boy slept on the couch, then the living room floor. Boo stayed with me staring up at the ceiling all night because of the squirrels that ran across the roof, all night long. The next morning the boy and I took the BIG truck into town to pick up the supplies I had ordered from Lowes. We got all the fencing materials, a washer and dryer, a lawn mower, cement, storm doors, tools and anything else big before we had to bring the BIG truck back. Dar stayed at the house to wait for the cable guy to get the phone, TV and computer hooked up. She started unpacking and put away most of the kitchen before we got back. There were times that I had to call her after she went home to ask her where something was because she unpacked so much with no help from me at all, again I am grateful. She put my brand new vacuum together only to find out it was missing a piece to hold the handle on, and I bought it in NY and of course that store is no where around here. So duct tape to the rescue, to this day that handle is duct taped on. Then the boy drove the BIG truck and we followed in the trailblazer to drop the BIG truck off. We came back and the boy put the fence up around the back yard, this is a huge yard an acre of property. He put 4 foot privacy fence up, put the posts in and put all the panels on, he left the cement part for Dar and I to do, more on that later. He put the washer and dryer in place and did all the things that I know I would have had to pay someone to do, I will be eternally grateful for all of his help, he is an amazing person and not just because he is my son. Dar and I put the daybed together, that went fairly well so we were thinking- we got this- we know what we're doing, and Dar had a real bed to sleep in that second night. Day three-Dar and I took the boy to the airport so he could get back to his job and his life, so very hard for me to say good bye. When Dar and I were alone in the new house in the new town in my new life is when the adventure really began. As we were putting the dining room table together we realized that we had put the bed together with the hardware for the dining room table. We were not about to take that bed apart as we had to recruit the boy to help with that and he was gone, so we put the dining room table together with the hardware for the bed, not as easy as one might think. We had one leg we could not fit into the table top where it belonged no matter how we pushed on it, at one point I was laying across the table as Dar was pushing with her feet with her back against the wall trying to force it. We laughed so hard it wasn't budging it wouldn't go in. Finally we both got on the same side Dar on the floor with the leg between her knees and her feet against the wall and me above her both of us pulling on that leg and we got it. The table is lopsided, it's a round table and on one side it's higher than the other side, we just spun it around a few times so to us it seems less noticeable. So that is up to day three of moving south, the next few days involve many laughable moments, like the drivers license office, the " plate ", Dar's homemade " tool ", the gutters so more to come:):):)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Two By Two
I guess it's a two by two world, goes all the way back, at least, to Noah and the Ark. He gathered the animals two by two. There is even a verse in the Bible that reads: " Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up... Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break. " Ecclesiastes 4:9 ( Tev )
So I guess it's a two by two world, so how do you navigate in that world as one?
I was 46 when I got divorced just about the same age my Grandmother was when my Grandfather passed away. She spent the next 32 years alone, is family history destined to repeat itself? She had a full life, with her family, friends and work, but was that enough? I wish she were here now so that I could ask her.
I had couples friends prior, still have a few but most have faded away. I imagine it's hard to include that suddenly single in a two by two occasion. Hard to know where she would fit in, hard to know what to say, what to do, how to act. I wish I knew then what I know now because I would say just be the way you were before, not that much has changed, there's just more room around the table. But I didn't know that then, then I was thinking I stood out like a sore thumb or maybe their bad dream of what could happen to them. At first they stopped calling, then they stopped returning calls, then they would see me in the mall and pretend they didn't, finally they stopped sending Christmas cards. You know the friendship is over when they stop sending Christmas cards even when you send them one. That was a part of the reason I moved away. First it is so hard to try to reinvent yourself or move on while still in the same place you were for over 20 years. Then I was afraid I would become a burden to my children, not that I asked for things but just that they would feel as if they had to include me in all things. I thought that I was a painful reminder of all that had changed. I also felt as if my being in that same spot made it hard for them to move past it, hard for them to discover ways to deal with the new issues. I didn't want my feelings, or how they thought I would feel, to impact their decisions on how to deal with the new issues. And it is easier to be alone in a place where you know no one than it is to feel so alone where you know everyone. I don't know which was worse the people that asked for the details of what happened just because they were nosy. Or the ones that ignored me because they didn't know what to say, couldn't believe that it happened at all then even harder was the reason, that part was so hard for other people, how could that have happened, no one saw that one coming. But even so, hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I was home, with my boys. I am thinking about going back, may have to, it's very hard to manage financially in a largely dual income world on one income. Every time I mention it to the boys they say they hope I can stay here or at least keep the house. This is a beautiful house, the nicest place I have ever lived, 15 miles from the beach, never a real winter, I wear flip flops all year long, huge yard and a truly beautiful fairly new house, beautiful neighborhood with spacious lots and well maintained homes. very quiet, just a beautiful place. But still there is a tug at my heart to go home. I wish the boys would move down here then I think I would feel more settled, having them close, but they have their own lives and should live them their own ways.
So how to you navigate single in a two by two world? Maybe my hidden self has the answers along with the winning power ball numbers if so now is the time to speak up:)
So I guess it's a two by two world, so how do you navigate in that world as one?
I was 46 when I got divorced just about the same age my Grandmother was when my Grandfather passed away. She spent the next 32 years alone, is family history destined to repeat itself? She had a full life, with her family, friends and work, but was that enough? I wish she were here now so that I could ask her.
I had couples friends prior, still have a few but most have faded away. I imagine it's hard to include that suddenly single in a two by two occasion. Hard to know where she would fit in, hard to know what to say, what to do, how to act. I wish I knew then what I know now because I would say just be the way you were before, not that much has changed, there's just more room around the table. But I didn't know that then, then I was thinking I stood out like a sore thumb or maybe their bad dream of what could happen to them. At first they stopped calling, then they stopped returning calls, then they would see me in the mall and pretend they didn't, finally they stopped sending Christmas cards. You know the friendship is over when they stop sending Christmas cards even when you send them one. That was a part of the reason I moved away. First it is so hard to try to reinvent yourself or move on while still in the same place you were for over 20 years. Then I was afraid I would become a burden to my children, not that I asked for things but just that they would feel as if they had to include me in all things. I thought that I was a painful reminder of all that had changed. I also felt as if my being in that same spot made it hard for them to move past it, hard for them to discover ways to deal with the new issues. I didn't want my feelings, or how they thought I would feel, to impact their decisions on how to deal with the new issues. And it is easier to be alone in a place where you know no one than it is to feel so alone where you know everyone. I don't know which was worse the people that asked for the details of what happened just because they were nosy. Or the ones that ignored me because they didn't know what to say, couldn't believe that it happened at all then even harder was the reason, that part was so hard for other people, how could that have happened, no one saw that one coming. But even so, hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I was home, with my boys. I am thinking about going back, may have to, it's very hard to manage financially in a largely dual income world on one income. Every time I mention it to the boys they say they hope I can stay here or at least keep the house. This is a beautiful house, the nicest place I have ever lived, 15 miles from the beach, never a real winter, I wear flip flops all year long, huge yard and a truly beautiful fairly new house, beautiful neighborhood with spacious lots and well maintained homes. very quiet, just a beautiful place. But still there is a tug at my heart to go home. I wish the boys would move down here then I think I would feel more settled, having them close, but they have their own lives and should live them their own ways.
So how to you navigate single in a two by two world? Maybe my hidden self has the answers along with the winning power ball numbers if so now is the time to speak up:)
Friday, October 10, 2008
Who's a Kid?!
I've thought about this a lot, what constitutes someone being a Kid? I don't mean the obvious, of course a little kid is a kid but what is the age difference that makes someone a Kid to you?
There was this young guy ( Kid ), I'll call him Theo, ( that's not his name but that's what I'll call him ) he asked me to go with him. I was 46 at the time and Theo, well Theo was just barely 30. I did the math in my head ( well actually I probably used a calculator, math not being my strong suit ) a 16 year age difference. I thought about that, 16 years is a long time, I was 16 when he was born, I remembered what I was doing at 16 that's what really hit home to me. I was 16 when he was born- that made it icky ( for lack of a better word ). So for me, I decided that anybody that I could have given birth to was too young for me, to me they were a Kid. I know other people may have different ideas on this subject but even they would have to admit if you look at if from the perspective of where you where at in your life when that Kid was born a big age difference is icky. They are a whole generation younger, that makes a big difference. Maybe it wouldn't be so noticeable in the beginning but think about it when your 60 that Kid is 44, younger than you were when you first got together- that's icky. And probably at that point it's icky to that Kid as well, still young and stuck with this old person. And while I agree that the 60 of today is not the 60 of years ago, it's still old, you can get Social Security soon ( well get may be a dream, apply for it may be more like it ). So I told Theo no, though I was flattered and then I put my age difference cap at 10 years, and that seems like a lot. I know love knows no age, it's blind or whatever but that's bull, you should still use your brain. Think about it this way if I had met Theo when I was 16 I would have been his babysitter, when I graduated from high school he was learning to walk, he and my oldest son could have gone to school together, when he was 16 I was 32, twice his age. Yep that's just icky. I know there is a flip side to that, younger people make you feel younger( and then sometimes they make you feel older). Some people believe they look younger when they are with someone younger, most times you don't- you look older, especially when a perfect stranger asks if the Kid is your son or daughter- yeah that's gotta sting. But I guess the real upside to being with a Kid is that you have built in free home health care in your really old age, that's a plus! Imagine this scenario: The Kid answers the door, it's a salesman ( someone close to the Kid's age ) they have a nice conversation when all of a sudden the Kid says- excuse me I have to go change a diaper, the salesman says- Oh you have young children? the Kid says no I don't it's my... Um mm.... it's my.... Um mm ..... Oh never mind it can wait. Well anyway that's just my thought on who's a Kid. Besides I've got a 29 year old son and a 25 year old son if some old broad was dating one of them it wouldn't be pretty, I'd have to go all mama bear on the old lady:) Words of wisdom from my Grandmother: When she was asked why she never married again or dated after my Grandfather passed away she said, and I quote:
" Because I'm not changing some old man's piss pot "
There was this young guy ( Kid ), I'll call him Theo, ( that's not his name but that's what I'll call him ) he asked me to go with him. I was 46 at the time and Theo, well Theo was just barely 30. I did the math in my head ( well actually I probably used a calculator, math not being my strong suit ) a 16 year age difference. I thought about that, 16 years is a long time, I was 16 when he was born, I remembered what I was doing at 16 that's what really hit home to me. I was 16 when he was born- that made it icky ( for lack of a better word ). So for me, I decided that anybody that I could have given birth to was too young for me, to me they were a Kid. I know other people may have different ideas on this subject but even they would have to admit if you look at if from the perspective of where you where at in your life when that Kid was born a big age difference is icky. They are a whole generation younger, that makes a big difference. Maybe it wouldn't be so noticeable in the beginning but think about it when your 60 that Kid is 44, younger than you were when you first got together- that's icky. And probably at that point it's icky to that Kid as well, still young and stuck with this old person. And while I agree that the 60 of today is not the 60 of years ago, it's still old, you can get Social Security soon ( well get may be a dream, apply for it may be more like it ). So I told Theo no, though I was flattered and then I put my age difference cap at 10 years, and that seems like a lot. I know love knows no age, it's blind or whatever but that's bull, you should still use your brain. Think about it this way if I had met Theo when I was 16 I would have been his babysitter, when I graduated from high school he was learning to walk, he and my oldest son could have gone to school together, when he was 16 I was 32, twice his age. Yep that's just icky. I know there is a flip side to that, younger people make you feel younger( and then sometimes they make you feel older). Some people believe they look younger when they are with someone younger, most times you don't- you look older, especially when a perfect stranger asks if the Kid is your son or daughter- yeah that's gotta sting. But I guess the real upside to being with a Kid is that you have built in free home health care in your really old age, that's a plus! Imagine this scenario: The Kid answers the door, it's a salesman ( someone close to the Kid's age ) they have a nice conversation when all of a sudden the Kid says- excuse me I have to go change a diaper, the salesman says- Oh you have young children? the Kid says no I don't it's my... Um mm.... it's my.... Um mm ..... Oh never mind it can wait. Well anyway that's just my thought on who's a Kid. Besides I've got a 29 year old son and a 25 year old son if some old broad was dating one of them it wouldn't be pretty, I'd have to go all mama bear on the old lady:) Words of wisdom from my Grandmother: When she was asked why she never married again or dated after my Grandfather passed away she said, and I quote:
" Because I'm not changing some old man's piss pot "
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Hidden Self
I have a friend that says everyone has a hidden self. He believes that it's not so much that people change but that their hidden self emerges. He believes that some people fight the emergence of their hidden self their whole lives, others let theirs out in small doses, while others suddenly let theirs emerge. He also believes that if you look hard enough you can see the signs of others hidden selves, in the small things, words they choose, a flash of emotion across their face, body language and the way they talk about themselves. I'm unsure if he means this as a good versus evil conflict. This man has a voice that could calm the raging sea, he leaves me long messages on my answering machine while I'm at work. I save these messages and on nights that I am feeling afraid and vulnerable I listen to him tell me that I am good and strong and that he loves me. He tells me that good thing are waiting for those that are good. I know what he means but there are days when I want those good things to be the winning power ball numbers because I am just so tired, physically, emotionally and financially spent. There was a time that I let our friendship go, because of my situation, because it was easier than fighting over it, because I was more loyal to a false idol than to a faithful friend. Then at one of the lowest points in my life this man came to me, he walked into my house and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug that I can still feel. He said " you should have called me ", I told him I couldn't it had been so long and he said none of that matters because you are my friend and I love you. He doesn't think he makes a difference in this world, sometimes he even half jokingly calls himself a loser. For such a smart, intuitive guy on that issue he is so dumb and good things are waiting for him. Thanks K.M. I will never again let our friendship go:) So do each of us have a hidden self? If I do does she have the winning power ball numbers because funds are getting low:)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The smell of God
I am a believer, I am unashamed, I believe & trust in God, I truly whole heartily believe and that's that. I have always believed with my head but I am ashamed to say not always with my heart. There was a time that I gave very little thought to God, fortunately for me He was thinking of me. One of my more recent clear experiences of feeling God happened while I was driving home from a painful fact finding mission. You know the song Jesus Take the Wheel ? well that night he had to have because I certainly wasn't in control. It was a long drive and I was numb from what I had secretly witnessed, I wasn't thinking, I wasn't paying attention, I wasn't doing anything. My cell phone rang but I didn't answer it, nothing could shake me from that numbness. Then I smelled my Grandmother, who has passed away a few years before, just as if she was sitting beside me. I turned my head and looked, of course, the passenger seat was empty, but I smelled her, strongly. I didn't just smell her beautiful smell, I smelled all the things that meant her. Chicken and dumplings cooking, pound cake, the marsh, the ocean, scrapple and eggs frying & bayberry candles. All these smells came rushing at me and I felt such peace and so loved. God knew exactly what I needed to snap me out of that nothingness and he sent her to me. Even my youngest son has said at times " Oh I smell Mom-Mom Eva " and it's not always a smell of her but smells that mean her and to me she always meant home. I have had that experience numerous times and each time it fills me with peace and love.
More recently I had an experience with wildlife that left me in awe. Friends were here visiting, this was a couple that knew me as part of a couple they had never known me as just me. I went to the condo that they were staying at we had great fun, not awkward at all they are lovely people. Still when I left to go home I was feeling sad, not because of anything that was said or done just sad because of how changed things were. It was very late and I was driving down a lonely stretch of road and on the shoulder I saw what I thought at first was a dog, a German Shepherd. I slowed for fear it would dart out into the road, it stopped on the shoulder, I pulled over. I could clearly see that it was not a dog, my head lights shone right on the animal, I thought possibly a coyote. It at first had it's back to me so I could see from the tail it was not a dog, it's tail was more plumed like a paint brush and not held downward but straight out behind it, it was reddish in color. As I crept the car along the shoulder to get closer the animal looked at me over it's shoulder, I was not more than 10 feet from it. Then he did the strangest thing he turned completely around and faced me full on, we sat there he and I staring straight into each others face, for what seemed like an eternity, then he threw his head up in the air gave a yip and darted off into the tree line and was gone. When we were looking directly into each others face it was then that I saw he may have been a red wolf. I drove the rest of the way home peaceful but excited. I searched on the computer for coyote or red wolf sightings in this area and both have been seen. Then I read an Indian saying that says if you come face to face with a coyote and he looks you in the eye you have been blessed. I certainly felt blessed no more feelings of sadness but feelings of faith and hope. So I really don't know what it was that I saw that night but whatever it was he and I were both there at that exact moment for a reason. I will never believe it was coincidence, I was feeling weak and that experience gave me strength, I believe that was God's doing and I am grateful.
More recently I had an experience with wildlife that left me in awe. Friends were here visiting, this was a couple that knew me as part of a couple they had never known me as just me. I went to the condo that they were staying at we had great fun, not awkward at all they are lovely people. Still when I left to go home I was feeling sad, not because of anything that was said or done just sad because of how changed things were. It was very late and I was driving down a lonely stretch of road and on the shoulder I saw what I thought at first was a dog, a German Shepherd. I slowed for fear it would dart out into the road, it stopped on the shoulder, I pulled over. I could clearly see that it was not a dog, my head lights shone right on the animal, I thought possibly a coyote. It at first had it's back to me so I could see from the tail it was not a dog, it's tail was more plumed like a paint brush and not held downward but straight out behind it, it was reddish in color. As I crept the car along the shoulder to get closer the animal looked at me over it's shoulder, I was not more than 10 feet from it. Then he did the strangest thing he turned completely around and faced me full on, we sat there he and I staring straight into each others face, for what seemed like an eternity, then he threw his head up in the air gave a yip and darted off into the tree line and was gone. When we were looking directly into each others face it was then that I saw he may have been a red wolf. I drove the rest of the way home peaceful but excited. I searched on the computer for coyote or red wolf sightings in this area and both have been seen. Then I read an Indian saying that says if you come face to face with a coyote and he looks you in the eye you have been blessed. I certainly felt blessed no more feelings of sadness but feelings of faith and hope. So I really don't know what it was that I saw that night but whatever it was he and I were both there at that exact moment for a reason. I will never believe it was coincidence, I was feeling weak and that experience gave me strength, I believe that was God's doing and I am grateful.
The Lizard
One of the most fascinating things about living where I do now is the lizards. They crawl all over my front porch, they burrow through my mulch and remind me of the thing in the movie Tremors ( but much smaller and so friendly ). I love to watch the lizards, they drink from my bird bath, crawl across my feet and perch on top of my water bottle. One morning as I opened the front door to go to work there is this little green lizard standing on the door saddle. I guess I startled him as much as he did me because we both froze looking at each other. I expected him to get up on his hind legs and in an Aussie accent start talking to me about car insurance ( which I wish he had because I'm sure I'm paying way too much ). But he didn't he crawled right into the house. I was late for work because I had to find him so that the cat didn't. I found him in the coat closet and scooped him up and put him outside. I laughed all the way to work thinking about him, sometimes I really wonder about my sanity, it's those silly things that make my day.
The Zombie Attack
About 1 week after I became suddenly single my friends decided we should have a girl's night out. So we got dressed up ( for us anyway which for one of us meant she would wear white socks with her jeans, you know who you are! and continually bring up that fact so we all couldn't help but notice ) we had 2 designated drivers, just in case. We got dropped off at this place that I don't believe I had ever been before, but it's on Rte 211. We go in and sit down the bartender asks what we're drinking I have no idea so one of the girls says " we're having Zombies " So I thought OK whatever a Zombie is that's what we're having. Still don't know what a Zombie is but the one thing I do know is that I will never have another one! I get my Zombie it tastes really good and I drink it, fast. The bartender brings me another one and I drink that one, it's then that I stand up to go to the ladies room, my daughter in law goes with me, good thing. I was OK or at least I thought so. On the way back I decide to get some air and I go outside. There is a man standing outside smoking and he takes one look at me and says " Zombie huh? " I smile or at least I think I smiled and he said well " do yourself a favor and don't have 2 " I said " too late ". He laughs and says " then you might want to go over there and have a seat on the steps you don't look so good ". I don't know if he went in and got my friends or if they just came looking for me on their own but they all came out to me. I could hear them talking as if in a dream " oh she doesn't look so good, do you think she's gonna get sick, what should we do etc., etc. " Well they didn't have to wait long to get the answers to those questions. The next thing ya know I'm puking on the side of Rte 211. A friend that I am so incredibly blessed to have, held my hair and rubbed my back. They did have this discussion on how lady like I puked ( if there is such a thing as lady like puking ), while I puked. The only thing I remember saying is " I guess I showed him puking on the side of Rte 211, yeah how do you like me now?" I know we all laughed that I can remember, what comes next is blurry. I know both of our designated drivers showed up to witness the spectacle, and get us home. I remember my friend trying to help me walk but I kept taking these GIANT steps like I was walking up this HUGE hill and she kept saying "put your leg down, isn't anyone going to help me with her? why is she taking these GIANT steps? " Then she made a reference to me being short and her being tall so it would work better if a shorter person was helping me walk up that HUGE non existent hill. But we made it into the house and I did survive the night I was attacked by Zombies. That's my story and I'm sticking to it those Zombies attacked me and I'm lucky to have survived:)
Saint Anthony and the ring
A few weeks after I had been separated I was still trying to find my way in the suddenly single world, and making it look easier than it was. I went to the mailbox and inside in an envelope was a medal of Saint Anthony and a note that said "remember you are never alone". I still do not have any idea who put that in my mailbox, and at the time I couldn't figure out why Saint Anthony. I of course knew that Saint Anthony was the patron Saint of lost things, after all being Irish Catholic you can't help but know which Saint is which. But why Saint Anthony, I have heard him referred to as the marriage Saint, this thought quite honestly made me mad. Did someone give me this medal because of my " lost " marriage? the nerve of people. As I sat there looking at this little medal and the note I came to realize that I had lost something and it didn't have anything to do with my marriage, it had to do with me. I had lost faith, faith in so many things, myself, life, men ( that's still a tough one :) ) and God. I put the medal around my neck and sat with the note " remember you are never alone ". All this time I was looking at that empty house thinking I was alone when in fact I never had been, I just wasn't looking in the right place. Shortly after the medal showed up I found a ring, it's a simple silver band with gold footprints all around it and on the underside these words are inscribed " it was then that I carried you". I wear the ring always as a reminder that I was carried even when it felt as if I walked alone, though quite honestly it hasn't too often felt as if I've walked alone. I am grateful.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Payday Someday
"Payday is someday for everyone" This is a direct quote from a very good friend ( thanks K.M.)
He believes that this is true, he told it to me at a time that I imagine he thought I needed to hear it. He was right, but I don't know if I believe it. He claims that one day everyone of us will pay for the damage we have done to other's. At the time he first told this to me I imagined a huge, ugly embarrassing spectacle that I, of course, got to witness. There was even mention of gorilla glue, baseball bats and a Hobbit from the Lord of the Rings. How they all fit together now after all this time is unclear, but at the time it all made sense and was very uplifting. But over time I have come to understand that's not what he means at all. It's not a fate that befalls you, it's not the act of a vengeful God, (because God is not vengeful) but it is something that we will suffer inside, it will be inner turmoil. We will pay by feeling the pain that we've caused other's. Much scarier and not nearly as much fun as the image of the gorilla glue, ball bat and the Hobbit. He He He, a Hobbit from the Lord of the Rings, that was funny stuff. So from now on I keep my nose clean do as little damage as possible just in case this payday someday thing is legit. Anyway the way I see it I'm all paid up now, time for someone else to pick up the tab.
He believes that this is true, he told it to me at a time that I imagine he thought I needed to hear it. He was right, but I don't know if I believe it. He claims that one day everyone of us will pay for the damage we have done to other's. At the time he first told this to me I imagined a huge, ugly embarrassing spectacle that I, of course, got to witness. There was even mention of gorilla glue, baseball bats and a Hobbit from the Lord of the Rings. How they all fit together now after all this time is unclear, but at the time it all made sense and was very uplifting. But over time I have come to understand that's not what he means at all. It's not a fate that befalls you, it's not the act of a vengeful God, (because God is not vengeful) but it is something that we will suffer inside, it will be inner turmoil. We will pay by feeling the pain that we've caused other's. Much scarier and not nearly as much fun as the image of the gorilla glue, ball bat and the Hobbit. He He He, a Hobbit from the Lord of the Rings, that was funny stuff. So from now on I keep my nose clean do as little damage as possible just in case this payday someday thing is legit. Anyway the way I see it I'm all paid up now, time for someone else to pick up the tab.
Where the cabinet's meet
There's a spot in the kitchen of the old house where the cabinet's come together at a 90 degree angle, this was my safe zone. Whenever the depth of despair became so overwhelming that I didn't know what to do I sat there, on the floor, in the place where the cabinet's meet. Sometimes I would just sit, others I would cry and then there were the times that I sobbed, big wracking, chest heaving sobs. The more I sobbed the further I would try to push myself into that place where the cabinet's meet. This is where my youngest son found me when he returned from college, I will never forget the look of raw pain on his face. I felt guilty, I felt that my pain was causing his pain, to some degree it was but he had his own. He sat there with me, we did that many times. Sometimes we just sat, sometimes I cried, sometimes we talked and sometimes we even laughed. It breaks my heart to imagine his pain. When he left for college we were his intact family, we were what we had always been, and I believe that fact was something he depended on, that we would be what we always were, a family. When he came home from college the family as he knew it was gone, he had been gone through most of the unraveling. He didn't experience it in bits and pieces he got it as one lump sum. I can't even begin to know how he dealt with that, but he did. We would sit there in that place and over time we laughed more and I cried less, we remembered all that was good. One day he said "Mama I have a song for you" I went into his room and he had down loaded a song for me it was Hey Mama by Kanye West, I probably would have not known that song had he not given it to me. These are Kanye's words not mine so I write them the way he sings them and I cherish the memory of the day my son gave them to me. Kanye sings " Hey Mama I wanna scream so loud for you cause I'm so proud of you " " You never put no man over me and I love you for that Mommy can't you see " "Caught you with tears in your eyes cause a nigga's cheating and telling you lies then I started to cry as we knelt on the kitchen floor and I said Mommy I'm gonna love you till you don't hurt no more " As I said those are Kanye's words and that is one boy that loved his Mama, and my boy loves me, both of my boys do, so really what did I lose? It was after he gave me that song that I stopped sitting on the kitchen floor in the place where the cabinet's meet.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
I was just talking to a friend on the phone and she reminded me of something, something very big as far as relationships go, something that is without question a deal breaker. This friend is the very best friend there is, she stood there with me in the beginning, the middle and the end. She was the one that was by my side when I began again. I am deeply blessed to have her in my life and eternally grateful. In our conversation she mentioned toenails, yep toenails are a definite deal breaker. She said ( not for the first time ) " I will never cut a man's toenails ". Many, many years ago I witnessed a wife do this for her husband and I told my friend what I had seen. We both thought it was so disgusting that a perfectly capable human being would ask another human being to cut their toenails. We have talked about that time often and she has said that she always puts that right up front to any man " I will never cut your toenails ". So if cutting a man's toenails is what it takes to make a relationship last, I guess I'm down for the count. Could that really be the secret to a lasting relationship? Nah- that can't be it, right?!
What does it take to make a relationship last? I certainly don't have the answer to that. I look at the milestone anniversary photos in the paper searching for a clue as to how they made it that far. What do they know that I don't? What's the trick, the secret? Why do some people believe so strongly in those vows that they took and others just don't? How can some people keep that promise while others treat their marriage as if it's a game of kick ball where they can shout do over and then begin again, with a different teammate? I got married young in 1979 and divorced old in 2006. Yeah that's a long time and it was something I hadn't imagined happening. Though I doubt there are too many people that are planning for their divorce on their wedding day, although I did know someone once who said she only went through with her wedding because the dresses were paid for. I guess you believe if you've made it past the 25th wedding anniversary your pretty much in it for life. Well I made it past that although things were shaky at that point, which I denied. We celebrated that milestone by going to a beautiful island, the place was great the trip was not. He bought me a time share as a gift, which looking back was a very odd thing to do. He even said how lucky I was to get such a gift as he bet not many women got that kind of gift for an anniversary. The units were not built at that time so I only saw plans and it was beautiful. I have never been to that time share, have never seen it other than the plans. He has been there, took the new girl there and proposed to her at the time share he bought for me on our 25th wedding anniversary. Real life is so much stranger than fiction and so much funnier. Some people thought that little fact would make me angry or sad, it did neither, it made me laugh, seriously who does that? I laughed hard and loud because it's funny and you just can't make this stuff up. So, the question remains: What does it take to make a relationship last?
There are questions that I can find no answers to, not the big life and world altering questions, I have given up on finding those answers or even asking those questions. It's the small things, the things that effect one's life. 1) Where is the "love me until" expiration date stamped on our bodies? Is it in a place on our hairline that we ourselves can't see? Is it a bar code that only our lover has the scanner to so that when the time is up they can say you've reached your shelf life ? 2) What exactly does " I never meant for this to happen " mean? Was there some cosmic event that took place leaving them no choice or control? At that moment was the earth's magnetic force so strong ( on just that situation ) that they were catapulted into a place and situation that they never meant to be in ?Alien abduction, Cupid's bad aim, booze, drugs, memory loss, I suppose there are so many explanations other than a choice was made. And if, on the outside chance that it wasn't any of those uncontrollable things, a choice was made how did they not mean for it to happen? 3) Who's feeling are they trying to soothe with the line " I never meant to hurt you? I guess it takes the sting out of it as long as they didn't mean to hurt us. It may have hurt a little bit if they hadn't explained that they didn't mean it, but then it just happened and they hadn't meant that either. And as long as they didn't mean to does that eliminate their accountability for our pain?4) What are the fundamental differences between men & women? Other than the obvious, testosterone levels, being able to stand while you pee, pregnancy & childbirth, what are the differences that make us view the same exact event in 2 completely different ways? 5) Is it really better for your lawn if you mow it in different directions? I see women mow their lawns in very much the same way I mow mine, mow to get it done. I have watched men mow their lawns, one week horizontally, the next vertically and then the next diagonally. I have asked the question why? I always get the same answer "it's better for the lawn", I have yet to receive an answer to the question how is it better for the lawn? 6) Why do some people want us to look at the lawn once they've finished mowing it? It looks pretty much the same, the same grass just shorter, I pretty much can recall what it looks like without having to go out and look at it again. What's wrong with my plan on mowing? do it, get it done as fast as possible, put the mower away go inside and pray that your heart doesn't explode from the exertion. I follow those steps religiously, never deviate from the plan, and don't stop to admire the shorter grass, and don't tell anyone else to go look at it, well probably because I pretty much can't speak by that time, but still it's just shorter grass isn't it?
6) Can you really start over again at almost 50? I know, I've read the stories too how people have found love in mid life and beyond, but really how often does it happen? Are all the stories we've read the only time it happens? Is it like airplane crashes and car wrecks? An airplane falls out of the sky and the world hears about it every time because of the mass devastation, a car crashes and well it's usually just local news, if that, because it happens everyday. We don't hear or read about every love affair that starts, but a lot of attention is given to those that start after a certain age ( well and before a certain age too but that's not the subject matter, right now ). So is the finding of love later in life so rare that it garners attention, what are the odds?
6) Can you really start over again at almost 50? I know, I've read the stories too how people have found love in mid life and beyond, but really how often does it happen? Are all the stories we've read the only time it happens? Is it like airplane crashes and car wrecks? An airplane falls out of the sky and the world hears about it every time because of the mass devastation, a car crashes and well it's usually just local news, if that, because it happens everyday. We don't hear or read about every love affair that starts, but a lot of attention is given to those that start after a certain age ( well and before a certain age too but that's not the subject matter, right now ). So is the finding of love later in life so rare that it garners attention, what are the odds?
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