Two By Two

I guess it's a two by two world, goes all the way back, at least, to Noah and the Ark. He gathered the animals two by two. There is even a verse in the Bible that reads: " Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up... Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break. " Ecclesiastes 4:9 ( Tev )
So I guess it's a two by two world, so how do you navigate in that world as one?
I was 46 when I got divorced just about the same age my Grandmother was when my Grandfather passed away. She spent the next 32 years alone, is family history destined to repeat itself? She had a full life, with her family, friends and work, but was that enough? I wish she were here now so that I could ask her.
I had couples friends prior, still have a few but most have faded away. I imagine it's hard to include that suddenly single in a two by two occasion. Hard to know where she would fit in, hard to know what to say, what to do, how to act. I wish I knew then what I know now because I would say just be the way you were before, not that much has changed, there's just more room around the table. But I didn't know that then, then I was thinking I stood out like a sore thumb or maybe their bad dream of what could happen to them. At first they stopped calling, then they stopped returning calls, then they would see me in the mall and pretend they didn't, finally they stopped sending Christmas cards. You know the friendship is over when they stop sending Christmas cards even when you send them one. That was a part of the reason I moved away. First it is so hard to try to reinvent yourself or move on while still in the same place you were for over 20 years. Then I was afraid I would become a burden to my children, not that I asked for things but just that they would feel as if they had to include me in all things. I thought that I was a painful reminder of all that had changed. I also felt as if my being in that same spot made it hard for them to move past it, hard for them to discover ways to deal with the new issues. I didn't want my feelings, or how they thought I would feel, to impact their decisions on how to deal with the new issues. And it is easier to be alone in a place where you know no one than it is to feel so alone where you know everyone. I don't know which was worse the people that asked for the details of what happened just because they were nosy. Or the ones that ignored me because they didn't know what to say, couldn't believe that it happened at all then even harder was the reason, that part was so hard for other people, how could that have happened, no one saw that one coming. But even so, hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I was home, with my boys. I am thinking about going back, may have to, it's very hard to manage financially in a largely dual income world on one income. Every time I mention it to the boys they say they hope I can stay here or at least keep the house. This is a beautiful house, the nicest place I have ever lived, 15 miles from the beach, never a real winter, I wear flip flops all year long, huge yard and a truly beautiful fairly new house, beautiful neighborhood with spacious lots and well maintained homes. very quiet, just a beautiful place. But still there is a tug at my heart to go home. I wish the boys would move down here then I think I would feel more settled, having them close, but they have their own lives and should live them their own ways.
So how to you navigate single in a two by two world? Maybe my hidden self has the answers along with the winning power ball numbers if so now is the time to speak up:)